


After the Autumn Rain

by jjongbluemoon



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, onesided!jongtae, photographer jonghyun au, turned mutual attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:58:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongbluemoon/pseuds/jjongbluemoon
Summary: Kim Jonghyun has loved nothing more than photographing the beautiful things he sees, which includes his best friend, Lee Jinki. His best friend whom he also harbours a deep, fifteen-year-old affection for. When Jinki announces he's  engaged at the behest of his mother's wishes, Jonghyun decides to be complacent and let his friend be happy with his new future-wife.Until he decides that Jinki needs to know the truth, even at the cost of his friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. Yes, it really has been a month and a half since I finished Only You and Me. I've managed to get all of my school work finished and so here I am with my promised jongyu fic. This one is a little more adult than OYaM but hopefully you will enjoy it all the same. 
> 
> If you're new to my fics then here's the gist: I use my works as a means to cope with my own depression and the grief of losing jonghyun. If reading about him is too much, please do not force yourself to read my work. however, if you are like me and see fanfiction as a way for jonghyun to get his multitude of happy endings that he deserves then please enjoy :)
> 
> also, don't be afraid to let me know what you think of the fanfic, but please be kind in your criticisms.
> 
> Thank you if you decide to continue reading! I hope you enjoy :)

Ever since he was a child, Jonghyun had loved taking photos. He would capture little moments in life, frozen forever in time on film; a bird taking flight from a pink tree, the smile on his best friend’s face after he told a particularly cheesy pun, the changing colours of the sky as the sun began to set on another summer’s day.

He took them all and scooped them up into a collection of developed pictures that would become a portfolio of his life’s worth. Most of his portfolio was crafted of photos of people and nature and sometimes animals, photos that he took posed but never truly loved.

The photos he truly loved were kept in his bedroom, plastered to the walls. They scattered like leaves starting with his beloved childhood dog Roo and ending with the beautiful smile of his best friend, Lee Jinki.

He hadn’t quite known where his love of photography would take him but somehow he found himself living comfortably in a well-lit, white-washed studio with open windows and plenty of nature around. He had started with taking family portraits for school graduations, with rich clients hiring him for off-site sessions. He snapped photo after photo of strict looking parents, and burnt out young kids, stressed to the point of alopecia and skin damage. He would touch them up every time, making their skin a little plumper, their hair a little darker and thicker. He would create the façade of success in their faces, and they paid as much to do so.

He moved from family graduations to simple photoshoots for models wanting and needing headshots to break into the show-biz industry. They would turn with highlighted cheeks, intricate artwork on their upper lids, lips pouted and full, their shoulders protruding from their upper body and they twisted themselves around like a contortionist to look unique and interesting. Sometimes it worked and sometimes he didn’t have the heart to tell them they didn’t photograph well and knew they would be told so later on in life anyway. He would pocket their money and they would pocket their dreams in his photos and leave. If he ever saw them again, he hoped it would be in a magazine somewhere, or on an advertisement stuck to the walls of a train.

From model headshots to his current job – engagement photos. This he found to be the most fun, photographing beautiful soon-to-be-brides in cascading white dresses with skirts made of waterfalls and bodices sewn with dove’s feathers. They glowed in his viewfinder, their smiles unforgettable as they cooed at Jonghyun to make them look like they never have before.

One of his clients was an old friend, an ex-model who was getting married to a well-known CEO who promised her a life time of fortune and beauty in exchange for his name to become hers. Jonghyun had never been so happy for another person in his whole life when he took those photos. She looked ethereal, blanketed in snow-like fabric as it draped over her pale skin. Her petite hands folded and moulded to Jonghyun’s commands and her face shifted from sultry to enticing without his command.

Jonghyun took three-hundred photos of her and gave every last one of them to her as a wedding present. She had hugged him and thanked him and wished him all the best before leaving his studio in her typical streetwear and Jonghyun was alone in a hall of white.

* * *

 

He was editing a couple of photos of a socialite who was in an unannounced engagement, making her jaw slimmer here, her eyes sparkle there, when Jinki walked in with two cups of to-go coffee. He was wearing a patchwork jacket and slim fitting jeans. His red hair was tousled and curled on top of his head.

Jonghyun hadn’t noticed Jinki’s presence, lost in his work that any sound around him was subject to white noise. It wasn’t until the scent of coffee filled the air, overwhelmed his senses, that he turned around.

Jinki was captured in a small dew of sunlight, the rays bursting out from behind him as if he was in a painting. His smile was sharp and wide, as it always was, and his eyes were crinkled up – he looked over the moon and Jonghyun only dreamt it was because he was seeing Jonghyun for the first time all week.

“Too busy for coffee?” Jinki then asked, proposing one of the cups to Jonghyun. The photographer saved his handiwork and grabbed the cup offered to him. They walked out into the garden behind the studio, leaving the door wide open for fresh air to sweep in and remove the scent of six-thousand perfumes mingling together.

They walked along the garden path before stopping at the stone bench that overlooked the small pond that Jonghyun had commissioned. He had taken a few photos out here of brides, submerged in foliage looking as natural as the way trees grew to the sunlight. He didn’t know what he preferred more, the candidacy of natural photographs or the commercialisation of studio work. As long as he could snap his target with his viewfinder, he was happy.

Jinki looked over at the pond with that wistful smile on his face and Jonghyun watched him carefully. There was something charming about the way Jinki looked, with his large, rounded and hooked nose, and slight under bite, his bottom lip curling over his top. His eyes were slanted and mono-lidded and sharp. Jonghyun glanced back down to his coffee.

“I’ve met someone,” Jinki said suddenly.

Jonghyun nearly dropped his coffee.

“She’s a lawyer,” he continued, not sensing Jonghyun’s panic. “You know how my mother’s been going on and on at me to get married and she introduced me to her friend’s daughter and we hit it off.”

“How long have you been seeing her?” Jonghyun asked, throat closing up. Jinki smiled and all his flaws no longer existed. Jinki may not have been as conventionally attractive as his other friend, Minho, but he had a smile that would always take Jonghyun’s breath away. If sunlight was bottled up and sold, it would be titled _Jinki’s Smile_.

“A few months.”

“Is it serious?” Jonghyun asked, losing his grasp on his coffee cup and Jinki hummed under his breath, as if he needed to think about this.

“I don’t know yet,” Jinki replied. He turned to face Jonghyun, that same smile stuck to his face and Jonghyun returned it, despite his heart crumbling to pieces in Jinki’s hands. “You’ll be the first to find out if it is.”

Oh, Jonghyun wanted to say. How thoughtful of you. To tell your childhood best friend who’s been in love with you for nearly fifteen years that you’ll be getting engaged.

“I better be,” Jonghyun joked, nudging Jinki with his shoulder. Jinki laughed and lowered his head, hiding that beautiful smile. “Will you let me photograph you later?”

Jinki snorted. “Why me? Don’t you have better looking models to photograph?”

Jonghyun sipped on his coffee before giving Jinki a genuine smile. A smile that actually meant what it showed. “Nope.”

* * *

 

The day Jonghyun discovered he was in love with Jinki had been a cool autumn day, the kind of day where everything seems completely at peace, leaves falling delicately from their homes to decay away on the ground, creating new life for the spring. The sun hung low in the sky, hazy and warm, like a cup of hot chocolate. They were walking through the woods behind Jinki’s house, hearing the leaves crunch beneath their hiking boots. Jonghyun had his new camera clinging to his neck. He would take photos of the sun peeking through orange coated trees and the odd deer that wandered around in the distance, watching the two boys warily.

He would then point his viewfinder at Jinki who was watching the ground as he kicked up a pile of leaves. He snapped the moment, leaves in motion, Jinki’s smile frozen in Jonghyun’s mind.

They were fourteen and had the whole world looking up to them in expectation.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” Jinki asked, looking up when he heard the shutter close.

“No,” Jonghyun said with a cheeky grin and Jinki shook his head. He had always been a bad liar.

“Why do you like taking photos of me?” He asked, turning around and hopping up onto a fallen log. He held his arms out to keep balance and walked along the log flawlessly.

Jonghyun got down onto one knee and snapped photo after photo. A series of shots choreographing Jinki losing his balance to the sound of the shutter and falling to the ground with a laugh. Jonghyun liked that look most of all, when his small eyes and big nose were scrunched up and mouth open wide that he could see all of Jinki’s teeth.

If Jonghyun would be honest with himself, he would say it’s because Jinki was the most beautiful person he had ever seen but instead he said: “Because you look much more genuine than most people.”

Jinki blushed and looked away, continuing down the path and Jonghyun followed after him, camera in his hands.

“Wait!” Jonghyun then called out and Jinki stilled in the exact position he had been walking in. Jonghyun jogged up ahead and positioned himself so that the sun was caught just behind Jinki. There was a red deer just behind them, watching them slowly as it stayed silent and still. Jonghyun got back down onto his knees and Jinki looked at him with a weird smile on his face.

Jonghyun shifted to the left just a little bit, the leaves rustling as he disturbed them with his knee. The sun was just behind Jinki’s head and the deer just behind his left arm. He snapped three photos, all exactly the same.

“What?” Jinki then asked when Jonghyun stood up.

“You looked really handsome there,” Jonghyun said, tilting his head to the side and flashing his lopsided grin. Jinki scoffed and ran over to Jonghyun, pushing him down into a pile of leaves.

Jonghyun flailed his right arm as he went down, his left curling around his camera protectively. The leaves exploded around him in a colour of fire and Jinki laughed joyfully.

“That’ll teach you to take photos of me all the time,” Jinki joked, then reaching down to help Jonghyun off the ground. “You should let me take photos of you one day,” he then suggested and Jonghyun inspected his camera.

He looked up. “Why would I do that?”

Jinki glanced at him over his shoulder and somehow it felt as if the wind could knock Jonghyun down. The earnest look in those sharp eyes and the way his lips curled up into a smile that didn’t exactly reach up to the rest of his face. “Because I want to. That’s why.”

* * *

 

Kim Kibum was one of Jonghyun’s classmates at Hongsik. He had studied photography as a minor in his first year before shifting to his main class in fashion and design in his second. They had met purely by chance as Jonghyun was keen to sit in the back of the classroom and take notes. Kibum had joined him after turning up to the class ten minutes late.

Jonghyun remembered what Kibum had been wearing that day – a designer sweatshirt and ripped jeans and his hair had been bleached white.

After they both graduated, Kibum started up his own fashion line and had commissioned Jonghyun to take the model’s photographs for him – both of their start-ups had started slow but soon burst into year after year of continuous success.

Kibum toted it all up to Jonghyun’s photography, and Jonghyun often cited Kibum’s opportunity as the reason his freelance photography did so well.

They often met up for lunch on Fridays, and talked about nothing in particular because they found that when you were close friends, nothing easily turned into anything and everything without prompting.

“Jinki’s met someone,” Jonghyun said randomly as he sipped on his soda water. Kibum, who was nursing a macchiato, raised a brow.

“Why does that surprise you? He’s not like you. He has a stable career and his own flat. You still live with Minho.”

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Jonghyun protested. That’s why it bothered him so much, because he knew that deep down no matter how much he loved Jinki from afar, Jinki would never really return his affection. “It’s just…”

“You’re jealous,” Kibum figured out with a nod. Jonghyun narrowed his eyes; he didn’t want to jump immediately to conclusions, especially since he hadn’t told Kibum about his feelings for Jinki. “It’s understandable. You two grew up together, you had hoped that you would end up as bachelors until your mid-thirties and then both get married around the same time.”

Jonghyun snorted and sipped on more of his soda water – Kibum had been watching too many dramas again. “That’s not it.”

“Is it not? Damn, I thought I had it figured out.”

“It’s not that… I _am_ jealous,” Jonghyun said meekly and Kibum, again, raised a brow. _Tell me more_ , he could see Kibum beg him from over his macchiato. “I mean, I’m the better looking friend.”

Kibum burst into laughter, falling back into the plush leather seat. He kicked at the table as he crossed his legs, shaking as he held his head with his hand. “You’re a piece of work.”

Jonghyun grinned to hide the ache in his chest and sipped on more soda water. The waitress brought over two places of sandwiches and they both began to dig in.

“Have you met the girl?” Kibum asked, thumbing some mayonnaise away from the corner of his mouth. Jonghyun looked up from his cheese and ham sandwich.

“No.”

“She might be really ugly,” Kibum suggested, and Jonghyun knew that he wasn’t trying to pillow his broken heart, but rather indicate that the girl was desperate to get married and Jinki was the first man she had laid eyes on.

“Maybe,” Jonghyun said, chewing on his sandwich thoughtfully. Somehow he didn’t see that happening. All through-out high school, he and Jinki had dated their fair share of girls, all of them more beautiful than the last. Jinki had dated them freely, falling more and more in love with each of them whilst Jonghyun saw them as a means to build a bridge to get over Jinki. It had never worked.

“It’s possible. Most people wait until they’re thirty to get married but-“

“Can we stop talking like he’s engaged,” Jonghyun snapped and Kibum shut his mouth immediately, chewing his sandwich slowly, menacingly.

“But you know it is coming, right?” Kibum then said and Jonghyun swallowed hard. “He wouldn’t tell you, his best friend, if it meant it isn’t going to end up like that.”

Jonghyun bit back the tears that prickled like a hot fire.

Kibum then gasped. “Unless! Unless he’s telling you so you can stop this from happening because he’s in love with you?”

Jonghyun felt his heart flip in his chest, the idea of Jinki being secretly in love with him felt too good to be true.

Kibum then laughed. “I’m just teasing, don’t look so horrified!”

Had he looked horrified? He hadn’t felt horrified, he had felt a sense of hope and relief wash over him. Now he felt horrified as Kibum laughed at him.

“But maybe you should meet this girl just to find out where the relationship is going.”

“I guess I’ll have to,” Jonghyun mused, picking up his second sandwich.

* * *

 

“You want to meet her?” Jinki asked over the phone. “Why?”

“Why? What do you mean why? Because you’re my best friends, Jinki, that’s why!” Jonghyun said indignantly. He sank down onto the sofa and cracked the cold beer in his hand open. He rested it on a coaster he had made out of a photo of his dog Roo. She looked up at him with those large eyes as if asking why he was subjecting himself to this much pain.

Jinki laughed on the other line and it sounded so pretty and so familiar that Jonghyun melted in his seat. He pictured Jinki’s face as he laughed.

“Alright, I see your point,” Jinki said. “I’ll arrange a dinner where you can both meet. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine,” Jonghyun said, sipping on his beer. “Don’t let it be a fancy restaurant, though.”

Jinki laughed again and Jonghyun imagined if it was the kind of laugh that had Jinki tipping his head back. His Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

He had spent countless nights as a frustrated teenager thinking about what it would be like to kiss and suck and bite on it, to feel Jinki squirm beneath him as he came undone from the simplest of touches.

“Jonghyun?”

“Ah, yeah?”

“I asked if sushi was okay.” Jinki asked, and from the way his voice sounded, Jonghyun knew he was smiling.

“Sushi will do. I haven’t had sushi in a while.”

“Okay, that’s great. When’s the best time for you?” Jinki then asked and there was a rustling of paper on the other side of the line. Jinki often carried a planner – it was necessary for him in his career, being a professor and all.

“Next Saturday,” Jonghyun said and Jinki hummed as he scribbled it down.

“Okay, I’ll book it later next week. Don’t forget!”

“You’ll have to remind me,” Jonghyun then said and Jinki scoffed. “I’m very busy!”

“I’m sure you are. Taking photos of trees all the time.” There was a pause. “What did you do with all those photos you took when we were younger?”

Jonghyun’s eyes flickered to his closed bedroom door, behind it laid a secret blue-tacked to the wall.

“Binned them,” he said and Jinki let out another laugh. “Why, did you want them?”

“Not particularly,” Jinki said in a way that suggested he was hiding something. Jonghyun leant forward on his sofa, putting his beer on the coaster.

“Jinki…”

“Well, Sunyoung said she wants to see them,” Jinki then said.

“Why does she want to see them?” Jonghyun asked, feeling cold all over. His heart pinched in his chest, beating erratically. It counted down like thunder to the next lightning strike.

“No reason,” Jinki said off-handedly. “I just told her you were a photographer and she wanted to see your work.”

“I can show her my portfolio,” Jonghyun suggested, not wanting Sunyoung, whoever the hell she was, to see his personal and beloved affections.

“Maybe that’ll do. That’ll have to wait until we book an appointment with you.”

Jonghyun got up off the sofa and walked over to his window. From the fifteenth floor Jonghyun could barely make out the people on the street below. He could see the blinking lights of cars and taxis as they pulled up into parking spaces and turned down corners and streets. He leant against the glass, cool against his sleeveless arms. He heard the beep of an indignant driver and the siren of an ambulance. From his apartment he could see Namsan tower, all lit up like a Christmas tree in the city centre. He’d only lived in Seoul for a few years but each time he glanced out his window, he felt dizzier and dizzier at its cityscape.

“Why would you have to book an appointment?”

He could hear something on the other end of the line and Jonghyun waited with baited breath, his heart pounding, his head feeling fuzzy.

“You’ll find out next week,” Jinki simply said. They both said their goodbyes and Jonghyun realised he knew exactly what was going to happen and he wished, how he wished, it wasn’t going to come true.


	2. Chapter 2

Jonghyun found himself in a conundrum come the following Saturday. He knew he had to present himself well to Jinki and his new girlfriend, but he also knew he had to be sly in his seduction. Perhaps if he showed Jinki what he was missing in the forms of his good-looks and well sculpted body, it would convince his friend to ditch the lame bitch for his favour.

“Minho, come here and help me!” He called out when he heard his flatmate’s bedroom door open. Minho, who had just woken up from a nap, was carrying a can of red bull and his hair was stuck up in all directions. Minho was a vagabond in careers; he had changed more times than Jonghyun had snapped photos of Jinki’s smiling face. Right now he was a teaching assistant, but next year he’d probably end up becoming an actor.

“What?” He asked, walking into the room. Every time he entered he always looked mildly disgusted and Jonghyun didn’t know if it was from the overspray of his cologne or from the fact that about 60% of his walls were covered in the same photographs. “Jesus Christ, you haven’t taken those down yet?”

“Why would I?” Jonghyun asked indignantly. He pulled up a crisp powder blue dress shirt and held it against himself. “What do you think of this?”

“It’s okay?” Minho said with a shrug. He rubbed sleep from his eye as Jonghyun let out an irritated sigh. He threw the shirt down and then picked up a black shirt that he had planned to wear under a red blazer and matching trousers – yes he’d be eye-catching, yes he’d be peacocking, but it would be worth it if Jinki’s eyes never left him once.

“No,” Minho said immediately, folding his arms into a big x across his chest. “That’s disgusting. You’re only going to sushi. Just wear a shirt and jeans. Why are you making such a big deal about this?”

“Because it’s with Jinki’s new girl!”

“And why do you need to make a big deal about that?” Minho asked, retreating to the doorway, not wanting to spend another second in the horror house of Jonghyun’s room. “I thought you were gay?”

“I _am_ gay,” Jonghyun snorted, putting aside the black shirt and digging around before he pulled out a pale pink shirt and some dark wash jeans.

“Oh, that’s a cute look,” Minho then said, pointing at the shirt and jeans in Jonghyun’s hands. Jonghyun glanced down at them and then walked over to his mirror and pieced them together. They did look quaint and charming together and Jonghyun’s honey blond hair matched well with them.

“Are you planning on scaring Jinki’s lady away, then?” Minho asked, yawning and scratching at his backside. Jonghyun gave Minho a scathing glare, how dare he be able to read minds like that so well! “Oh, my God, please don’t if you are. As much as I love to hear about your consistent ‘why doesn’t Jinki love me?’ podcast every evening during dinner, I really don’t want to hear volume 2: ‘why won’t Jinki speak to me anymoooooore?’.”

Jonghyun glared at Minho for a long second. “I’m not going to scare her away.”

“Then what is your plan?” Minho asked, leaning against the doorway.

“My plan is to show Jinki what it is he’s missing,” Jonghyun said with an obvious clip to his tone and Minho laughed sarcastically.

“Your daydreams are so cute. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll know you’ll feel worse if Jinki ditched you completely.”

Jonghyun lowered his hand and gently displayed the shirt and jeans on his bed. He sighed heavily as he heard Minho retreat from the bedroom, his footsteps growing quieter and quieter on the wooden floors.

He knew that Minho was right; that going too far, no matter the cost, would and could end up with disastrous results. As much as it hurt to know that right now in their little apartment in a small pocket of this overcrowded city, she had his love, all of it, tucked away in her heart and Jonghyun, who had given Jinki his heart years and years ago had received none of it.

She didn’t deserve it. Not really.

* * *

 

Jonghyun took a taxi to the sushi restaurant, nestled in one of the side streets off Namdaemun. He walked down the street as couples in matching clothes clung to each other with the summer air radiating from their skin. Ice cream melted in their hands and cold drinks perspired from their plastic cups. It was the kind of evening that was warm enough to make you sweat, and humid enough to keep that sweat sticking to your skin, clinging like a bad odour, leaving you uncomfortable for the rest of the time you were absorbed in it.

The air didn’t exist as Jonghyun turned down the little sit alley and stopped outside the restaurant. It looked like a genuine sushi shop, carved from a little street in Japan and moulded to fit into the model work of Seoul.

He slid the door open and watched as the hollow bamboo pole of the _shishi-odoshi_ filled with water before relieving itself, banging against a polished stone as the water poured out. The bang was hollow and peaceful and it reminded Jonghyun of his two week stay in Osaka and Kyoto. He entered through a second door, this one already open and from above he could hear the peaceful melody of a _koto_ bouncing from each corner. For a second, Jonghyun forgot why he was in that restaurant and that he was in Seoul.

It lasted for only a second.

“Jonghyun!” Jinki called out from his table. He was sat a few feet away and Jonghyun bent his head low and walked over to it. Jinki was dressed in a striped shirt and black jeans and that red hair had been coiffed back. He looked so handsome, so _so_ handsome, and Jonghyun nearly melted in his hand-stitched shoes.

The woman opposite him had warm caramel brown hair and kind hazel eyes. When Jonghyun approached the table, she stood up and bowed to him politely before sitting down again. Jonghyun sat beside Jinki, feeling a little awkward that Jinki and his girlfriend were so far apart.

She was wearing a white blouse and a powder blue striped midi skirt. It almost looked as if they were trying to go for the couple clothing effect but it hadn’t worked to the standard they wanted.

“Jonghyun, this is Park Sunyoung. Sunyoung, this is my best friend Kim Jonghyun.” Jinki beamed as he introduced the woman he loved and the man that loved him to each other. Sunyoung glanced over at Jonghyun and he immediately bristled, he could sense competition when it was near and she was definitely a threat.

She was beautiful.

So much for Kibum’s theory about desperation.

“It’s so lovely to meet you,” Sunyoung said with an airy and nasally voice. Jonghyun simply nodded his head, he couldn’t exactly say it was likewise.

Jinki glanced at him expectantly.

Well, it looked like he’d have to say it. “Likewise.”

Sunyoung smiled gracefully and it hurt Jonghyun like a punch to the throat. Beautiful in the face, beautiful smile. She had a lot that Jonghyun could offer to Jinki, with added extras that he couldn’t.

“Jonghyun and I have known each other since we were kids,” Jinki explained. Jonghyun grew warm as Jinki’s elbow bumped against his briefly as he rested his arms on the table. It was a brief touch but it was more than enough.

“So, you’re the one who’s interested to photography?” Sunyoung asked.

 _Yes bitch, that’s me. Do you know any other Jonghyuns who are best friends with Jinki_?

“I wouldn’t say interested,” Jonghyun insisted, feeling slightly offended. He could tell by the way Sunyoung had glanced at him when she said that she didn’t view it as a decent job. “It’s my life’s work.”

“Sunyoung is a domestic dispute lawyer,” Jinki then said, turning to Jonghyun slightly. He didn’t bother to add any more information because Jonghyun knew the rest. He looked over to Sunyoung and knew that deep down, he shouldn’t blame her for this troublesome situation. Mainly because this was all Jinki’s mother’s fault, her and her damn nosey, maternal instinct. Why couldn’t she be cool like his own mother and not even bother asking about her son’s personal love life?

Jinki’s mother had been like that for as long as Jonghyun could remember, always telling Jinki what to pursue at high school, what to excel at in class, what after school clubs to take up to better his chances, which college to go to, which degree to aim for, what career would fit him best. Becoming a professor was Jinki’s first break away from his mother’s meddling. She had wanted him to be a lawyer too, probably to meet Sunyoung a little sooner, she was probably already coming up with baby names to force onto him when the wedding was over and done with-

Wedding? There won’t be a wedding, not if Jonghyun could help it.

The conversation, one sided on Jinki’s part, fell flat a few minutes later and the three sat staring at their menus, trying to choose which of the many dishes they served to go for.

“Shall we just get a few plates of the tastiest looking ones and just share them?” Sunyoung suggested, closing her menu.

“That’s a good idea,” Jinki said, doing the same. “Jonghyun, what do you want?”

He wanted the flying fish roe temaki and the king prawn tempura maki, and the tuna nigiri for starters and if he was still hungry, he’d tackle the bigger, meatier fish. He was already salivating at stuffing his mouth with savoury, salty fish, and tangy rice.

“Oh, I’ll just have the king prawn tempura maki,” Jonghyun said, already hating himself for being so weak to Jinki.

“Just that?” Jinki asked. “You can have as much as you want- Ow!”

Jonghyun looked over at Sunyoung who was giving Jinki a stern smile. “Sweetie, I don’t think we should let Jonghyun take advantage of us.”

Jinki leant over and rubbed at his shin. “It’s not taking advantage. We would be taking advantage of him if we didn’t.”

Jonghyun closed his menu and cleared his throat. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, here’s the thing,” Jinki said, trying to find the right words.

“Jonghyun, we’re getting married and we want you to be the one to take our photos,” Sunyoung said with such a stand offish tone that Jonghyun wasn’t sure if it was a demand or an order.

“You’re getting married?” He then asked Jinki who gave him a shy nod, a smile breaking out of his stupidly handsome features and Jonghyun’s hands curled into tight fists. He bit out a forced smile. “Congratulations. Let me order you some sake!” He raised his hand to gain attention of the waitress, feeling his resolve crumble around him. She wasn’t wearing a ring on her finger, but maybe they were going to look for one later… or maybe Jinki was doing it traditionally.

“When is the wedding?” Jonghyun then asked after giving the waitress his hurried order along with three bottles of sake.

“At the end of October,” Jinki said, taking Sunyoung’s hands in his own.

That was two months away.

Two _freakin’_ months away.

Jonghyun’s whole world began to fall apart around him, and even as his sake arrived moments later, he couldn’t taste a single thing about it. All he could feel was the burn as it slid down his throat and he thought for a second that that was how it felt to know that Jinki would be declaring his love for Sunyoung in front of a crowd.

He would be declaring his love for Sunyoung and not for Jonghyun.

He finished the bottle in under half an hour.

* * *

In hindsight, banging on Kibum’s door at gone 1 in the morning was not the best plan Jonghyun ever had. But then again, neither was falling in love with the world’s straightest man. He needed some company, someone who was honest, would give the ‘life sucks, deal with it’ speech that he needed to hear.

In his hand was a bottle of vodka he had picked up from the nearby convenience store, it was half empty, its poison sloshing around against the green container, keeping it trapped until Jonghyun twisted the lid off and drank a little more.

He banged on the door again and Kibum answered it with an incredibly irritated look. If Jonghyun was sober, he’d know to be frightened right now. But Jonghyun was drunk and so he grinned toothily at his close friend’s annoyed expression. It was the equivalent of poking a hungry tiger naked.

“What the hell do you want?” Kibum asked acidly. Jonghyun theorised that Kibum had been sleeping but when he stood on his tiptoes to take a glance inside the apartment, he could see a drama playing on his TV screen. The actress was currently stood in the rain, her love interest holding an umbrella out to her with that same love-sick smile he had given to Jinki over and over again and for fuck’s sake why wasn’t his life like all the popular dramas?

“Jinki’s getting married!” Jonghyun announced, throwing his arms in the air in a half-hearted celebration. “Hooray! You were right!”

Kibum’s narrowed eyes softened and he scooted aside to let Jonghyun into his apartment. Jonghyun stumbled over his own feet and ended up sprawled across the entrance. His bottle of vodka had broken free from his grip and had rolled away into the kitchen.

“Whoops,” Jonghyun giggled as he tried to get himself back up. His arms were wobbly and unsteady and Kibum scoffed under his breath and soon Jonghyun was being lifted from the ground, Kibum’s arms tucked under his armpits to help him up.

“You’re a goddamn mess. How long have you been drinking?”

“I’ve been drinking?” Jonghyun asked with that same goofy expression on his face. Kibum’s once angered expression turned into pity and he didn’t like that. That didn’t settle well in his stomach, it made him feel small and miniscule all at once.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jonghyun demanded darkly and Kibum’s expression changed to one of surprise.

“Like what?” Kibum asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Like you feel sorry for me,” Jonghyun said. He wandered over and grabbed his bottle and then sat on the floor, not fighting that collapsing feeling in his legs. Kibum sighed and shook his head, like a disappointed parent.

“I didn’t feel sorry for you,” Kibum said. “I do now, though.”

“Don’t,” Jonghyun said, unscrewing the top of his vodka and pressing the opening to his lips. He sipped on it like a baby to a bottle of milk. It was his ambrosia.

“Why are you drinking like this? You didn’t do this at all when you were in college.”

“Jinki wasn’t getting married in college,” Jonghyun explained in his drunken logic. Kibum crouched down and peered at Jonghyun. Kibum was pretty. Kibum was just as smart and successful as Jinki. Why couldn’t he have liked Kibum instead?

Because Kibum wasn’t Jinki. He wasn’t like the setting sun on a cool summer’s day, a promise to see you again so soon after the night had broken. He wasn’t like that first chill of winter that left excitement up and down your spine at the prospect of seeing snow again. He wasn’t like the first budding flower you walk past on your spring walk, that little sign that life was renewed again, blooming along your trail.

“Jonghyun… I’m going to ask you seriously, as your close friend, and I want you to trust me. Anything you say, I will not judge you but I feel I’ve figured it out already. Why does Jinki getting married bother you so much?”

Jonghyun downed another third of his vodka and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “If you know already, you tell me?” He wondered how challenging and threatening he could look as his body involuntarily swayed back and forth. Kibum sighed and bent his head down to conjure up his next sentence carefully.

“Jonghyun, do you… by chance… like Jinki?”

“He’s my bes-“

“As more than a friend?” Kibum finished with an empathetic smile.

It seemed like it was a magic set of words, some kind of switch to open the floodgates and Jonghyun burst into tears. He tossed aside his bottle of vodka and Kibum let its alcoholic contents pour onto his hardwood floor. He got down onto his knees and pulled Jonghyun close into his arms, holding him, running his hands through his hair as Jonghyun cried and sobbed and choked and whined over the loss of the love of his life.

Kibum didn’t ask any more questions and let Jonghyun take his bed whilst he slept on the sofa. Jonghyun, as soon as he hit the memory foam mattress, zonked out, snoring himself away into dreamland. Kibum wrapped him up with his bedsheets and moved one of his pillows so that it was propped under Jonghyun’s head, to save his neck ache later on.

When Jonghyun awoke the next morning, he felt as if he had been run over by a monster truck. His whole body ached, but his head was the worst contender. It felt as if his brain had ejected from his skull and was throbbing on the floor like beating heart. His eyes pulsated in his eye sockets and his mouth was sticky and dry as he licked his lips.

He rolled over in the bed and realised he wasn’t in his own apartment. He didn’t quite want to get up and see what disaster he had committed the night before in his drunken state – he was broken hearedt, he’d do anything or anyone to feel something other than regret and self-hatred.

The door swung open and Jonghyun pulled the bedsheet close to him, ignoring the fact that he was still fully dressed. Kibum entered the room with some hangover stew and a few bottles of medicine. He left wordlessly and Jonghyun looked at the tray on the bed, he shifted closer to it and the door opened again.

“Just to be clear if you get that stew on my clean white sheets, you’re buying me a new set,” Kibum said but his tone held no threat. It was soft, like a kitten playing with yarn. He gave Jonghyun a sympathetic smile before closing the door again.

Jonghyun didn’t like that.

Why was Kibum being so nice to him?

What exactly had he said the night before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow first of all, thank you so much for everyone's comments and kudos. it's so nice to be welcomed back like this i have honestly missed all of you guys!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter! <3
> 
> you can follow me on twitter: @jjong_bluemoon 
> 
> I look forward to hearing what you guys think of the story this far hehe


	3. Chapter 3

Jonghyun returned to work the following Monday with two appointments waiting for him. Neither was a name he recognised, thankfully, and after his forgotten breakdown on Saturday at Kibum’s apartment and Jinki’s earth-shattering news at dinner, he knew to be on his best behaviour lest strangers knew that something wasn’t quite right with him.

His first client was a young teacher named Yoo Ji-woo. She had long black hair, a straight trimmed fringe, and very basic features. She had brought her own make-up artist with her and spent the majority of her appointment sat in the corner of Jonghyun’s white studio telling the artist what she had done wrong and how to fix it.

Every hour Jonghyun would check his watch and feel even sorrier for the make-up artist. Her hand must’ve been cramping up from the detailed work Ji-woo wanted her to complete. To make matters worse, with only an hour and a half left of her appointment, she couldn’t decide one which dress to wear. The man who accompanied her, her fiancé, was sat near the doorway wearing a rented tuxedo looking impatient.

Jonghyun stood up from his editing corner and walked over to the fiancé.

“Do you want a coffee?” Jonghyun asked and the fiancé gave Jonghyun a life-saving smile. Jonghyun walked down the hall to the small kitchen and made both himself and the poor gullible soul about to marry the bridezilla two black coffees.

When he returned Ji-woo was on the floor surrounded by two very similar dresses in different shades of lilac, hands clamped over her faces as she wailed.

The make-up artist watched her from the chair she had been working on Ji-woo from and shook her head. Three hours that make-up had taken her and Ji-woo had ruined it in under five minutes.

Jonghyun stood at the mouth of the studio with two cups of coffee in his hand as Ji-woo’s fiancé did his best to calm her down. The make-up artist walked over to Jonghyun and gave him a short look.

“I don’t think you’ll be getting paid today,” she simply said before leaving, carrying her big bag of make-up supplies with her. Jonghyun grumbled under his breath and slammed both cups of coffee down on his desk. Ji-woo and her fiancé looked up at him, her face running with black rivers of mascara and her foundation had two large imprints where her palms had pressed against her cheeks.

“Leave,” Jonghyun instructed. Ji-woo stuttered a protest. “Leave, you’ve wasted that poor lady’s time and you’ve wasted my time. Leave. I’ll return your deposit to you.”

He watched as his 100,000 won walked out, still in tears as her fiancé cradled her in his arms. Good luck with that, he wanted to say to him as they left but he found himself too boiled over with rage to form a good enough sentence.

He made a note on a small stack of yellow post-it’s to contact his bank to return their deposit later in the day. He massaged his temple and hoped to God that Park Go-eun, his next appointment, was a little easier going.

He took another glance at his watch and found to his misery that it was only twelve in the afternoon. Somehow, Jonghyun felt as if he had wasted his entire day. He needed a smoke. He rummaged through his drawers and pulled out an old packet of cigarettes that he hid away for emergencies only. He sparked the lighter on the end of the cigarette and moved to the big doors that opened to the garden and veranda. He walked out and took a drag on his cigarette and let the grey smoke plume into the air like a toxic cloud.

It was working, he could feel his stress melt away with each puff and huff, each exhale of grey fog that branched out into the clean air around him. He was near the end, down the butt, when a knock came from the door behind him. He dropped the butt in surprise and stamped it out.

Jinki was stood at the doorway with a sheepish smile and a foil wrapped handmade gimbap roll.

“Lunch?” He offered and Jonghyun could only smile and lead him down to that stone bench they had sat on only a few days ago. Jinki unwrapped the foil and let Jonghyun have the first pick of the rolls. He chose the middle one and popped it into his mouth. He crunched down on the pickled daikon radish and carrot and chewed through the tender beef filling.

Jinki took the piece next to Jonghyun’s chosen one and chewed on it with two bites. Jonghyun watched, mouth full and lips upturned into an amused smile, as Jinki bit down on the centre, careful that the insides wouldn’t fall out before popping in the second half a second later.

“When did you propose?” Jonghyun asked after he swallowed his piece. Jinki coughed.

“A few days ago. Actually, I proposed to her the day I told you about her.”

“Why didn’t you let me meet her before you did that?” Jonghyun asked, feigning hurt. “I thought I was your best friend. Remember all the times I let you meet my girlfriends and you told me that none of them were worth my time.”

“Because they weren’t!” Jinki said with a laugh. “I don’t know, it’s different this time. I’m thirty next year and I have expectations on me now. You know if my mum wasn’t involved I’d still be a bachelor.”

That left a hopeful fluttering in the pit of Jonghyun’s stomach, to know that what Jinki felt for Sunyoung wasn’t really love, but more an obligation to his beloved mother.

“What about your brother, isn’t he getting harassed by your mother too?” Jonghyun asked through another mouthful of gimbap.

“He would be if he wasn’t so busy in Japan,” Jinki laughed. “I doubt he even remembers what family even is.”

Jonghyun snorted. That didn’t sound like Taemin at all, but the last time he had seen the kid had been at his and Jinki’s graduation from college and even then, Jonghyun supposed, he had seemed very hard-set on his dreams. He was also a lot more reserved and polite as a young adult than when he was a kid.

“What about you?” Jinki then asked, turning the question to Jonghyun. “When are you going to get serious?”

“Maybe never,” Jonghyun said, stretching his arms over his head. Jinki laughed. “What?”

“You were the one who wanted to get married the most!” Jinki brought up his hand to hide his smile and laugh and Jonghyun grabbed at his wrist to pull it away.

“You know I like it when you let yourself laugh freely,” Jonghyun said softly and Jinki’s ears turned an unusual shade of pink. He then looked up to the sky and let the babbling pond opposite the bench consume the conversation.

“I don’t think I’d handle it,” Jinki said as he put another piece of gimbap into his mouth. “If you married before me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d feel like I’d failed as a hyung,” Jinki joked. “Plus, when you throw the bouquet, whoever catches it has to get married in sixth months or they’re cursed for life.” Jinki looked down at his hands. “I’m already clumsy, Jonghyun!”

Jonghyun laughed this time, throwing his head back and letting his laughter become one with the breeze billowing past their heads. A flock of birds flew overhead, circling one of the trees in Jonghyun’s garden.

“Seriously though, I hope you do get married soon.”

“Why’s that?” Jonghyun asked, facing Jinki.

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Jinki said earnestly, giving Jonghyun an honest look. His heart stuttered in his chest and his breath hitched in the base of his throat and all common sense ran out of the window.

“I’m not alone,” Jonghyun said, taking Jinki’s hand gently. “I have you.”

Jinki shifted uncomfortably and Jonghyun’s fluttering stomach turned to ice-cold stone. “Sunyoung’s been talking about moving back to Busan after the wedding.”

“B-Busan?” Jonghyun stuttered out. “Why there?”

“She said it’s a better place to raise kids and she’s right. Remember all the fun things we did together back there? The forests we explored, the beaches we visited. The night markets our parents would give us allowance for and we would stuff out faces until we threw up?” Jinki hissed out a sigh. “I want that for my future children too.”

Jonghyun’s hands shook and he let go of Jinki’s and settled them in his lap. He didn’t want Jinki to see the damage his words were doing to him.

“Is that what you want too?” Jonghyun asked shakily. Jinki didn’t respond right away and the two sat on the stone bench listening to the wildlife around them, savouring the moment of quiet.

“I want what is best for the future,” Jinki said simply. “You can have the rest of the gimbap. I have to get back to work.” Jinki stood up from the bench and brushed himself off. Jonghyun followed him through the door into the studio, clutching on the gimbap as if it was a precious jewel gifted to him by a prince.

He watched as Jinki disappeared down the hall to the entrance, not turning to look back over his shoulder like he usually did when he said goodbye. Jonghyun raised a lonely hand and waved after him, even if Jinki wouldn’t see it.

* * *

Park Go-eun was much more relaxed than Ji-woo. She did everything perfectly, her make-up took an hour and she had picked her dress the moment she walked in. Go-eun was a nurse marrying an insurance broker who looked a few years older than her.

The moment she stepped out in that white dress, the pristine train trailing after her dainty toes, her fiancé nearly burst into tears. From behind his camera, Jonghyun grinned.

“Save it for your wedding day, big guy,” Jonghyun said to the fiancé who immediately wiped away the tears from his face. For a moment, he pictured Jinki stood there, staring at Sunyoung so adoringly. He shook his head – Jinki had admitted it himself, he didn’t really love her.

Go-eun positioned herself to the middle of the backdrop, against the picture she had chosen as her background. She had picked a walk of sakura trees in full bloom in the centre of Tokyo. Her fiancé stood off to the side and watched her with glee as she smiled at the camera so naturally.

Her face glowed and her eyes kept darting back to her fiancé with that same loving look that he had worn. As Jonghyun snapped photo after photo, he wondered if he looked at Jinki that way. That look that said even if everything goes completely wrong, I’ll always have you and that’s all that matters.

That’s what he had thought.

Anything bad that would happen didn’t matter because he had Jinki by his side.

And in two months, he wouldn’t have that anymore.

* * *

Minho wasn’t in the apartment when Jonghyun returned that evening. He and Go-eun had arranged to do a secondary shoot in a booked wedding hall, where there would be flowers and better lighting. The primary photos were just for reference, the real photos would begin the next day.

Jonghyun had hoped Minho would have been home so that he could ask to borrow his car to transport his equipment to the venue but decided he would just wing it with a taxi.

The apartment was completely quiet without Minho and Jonghyun immediately reached for the television remote to bring some life into the area. The screen lit up and Jonghyun heard his name being called out by a female voice.

Jonghyun stopped and stared. The actress stared after a man who had turned his back on her and she pleaded and begged for him to stay. She started to cry seconds later and the television Jonghyun turned to face her with a sorry expression.

Jonghyun left the drama on the background as he walked into his kitchen and grabbed a few ingredients to make yachaejeon. He continued to keep an eye on the screen as he fried up the big pancake. His attention split between the steaming food and the screaming actress as the drama Jonghyun walked away from her.

“What are you doing, Jonghyun?” Jonghyun said to the TV, shaking his head.

The front door of the apartment opened and Minho walked in carrying two big bags of food and alcohol.

“Who are you talking to?” Minho asked as he dumped the bags on the table.

“Jonghyun,” Jonghyun replied, nodding to the TV. Minho glanced over at it and then rolled his eyes. “He just left his love interest to cry in the middle of the street. You know, I’ve lived here for a few years but I’ve never actually seen a girl sit in the middle of the pavement and cry because her boyfriend left her.”

Minho began to laugh as he walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. “You haven’t been in Hongdae at closing time. There’s a few of them.”

Jonghyun cracked a grin. Minho then looked at Jonghyun before noticing the billow of black smoke emerging from the stove.

“Your food’s burning!”

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Jonghyun cursed as he pulled the pan from the ring, turned off the gas, and plated up his nearly charcoal yachaejeon. It was still edible… right?

“Don’t eat that dude, it’ll give you a stomach ache,” Minho said with a tut. “I’m gonna order some pizza. I’m throwing a party for my old college friends. If you don’t wanna stick around, I’ll let everyone know your room is off limits. Though, I’m sure your Jinki shrine will deter any invaders.”

“Ha ha,” Jonghyun snapped back. “I’ll eat my pancake in my room. Enjoy your pizza… and your party.”

“I will,” Minho said in a bemused tone as Jonghyun walked into his room, kicking the door shut behind him with his foot.

* * *

It was around 12am when Jonghyun laid on his back, painting patterns in the spackle on the ceiling trying to fall asleep. The party Minho was throwing was increasing in volume, music being turned up half an inch every other minute.

It had started moderately quiet, a few guys and girls sitting around eating pizza and drinking beer talking about nothing in particular and then some genius had suggested they play some music and the rest was history.

Jonghyun wrapped his pillow around his ears in hopes that he would be able to block out the noise and fall asleep.

He screwed his eyes shut and willed sleep to take him over like a drug.

Something smashed and a few _ooh_ ’s echoed around the room and Jonghyun knew that was the final straw. He threw his bedroom door open and a few of the guests, who had crowded around it, gave him a scared look.

On the middle of the floor was a photo frame. The glass had been rendered to shards and the frame, made of oak and intricate woodwork, was split at two corners. The white backing of the photo poked out from the carnage.

The bathroom door opened and Minho tumbled out with a girl following behind him, cat like grin on her lips as a tongue poked out to lick them.

“Whoa, what happened?” Minho asked, looking at the broken frame. Jonghyun knew exactly which frame it was. It was the one that housed an old photo of him and Jinki from their high school graduation. Jinki had gifted it to him as a birthday present – he had made the frame himself whilst on holiday in a small remote village in Jeju.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry dude,” the culprit, a guy with short black hair, said as he drunkenly tried to get on all fours and scoop the glass up in his hands.

“Don’t do that!” Jonghyun barked at him. “You’ll cut yourself!”

“Jonghyun, calm down,” Minho said from behind him and Jonghyun felt himself watching from the outside he exploded into a fit at Minho, cursing him out for throwing a party on a Monday morning and then letting his drunken idiot friends play with things that didn’t belong to them whilst he was getting blown by some slut in the bathroom.

Minho stared at Jonghyun, and he never got angry once. His eyes turned from sympathy to understanding as Jonghyun got back to his knees and recovered the photo before it was damaged any further. It was already aging at the corners, fading from sunlight. He didn’t want his memories to fade away with it.

“I’ll clean it up,” Jonghyun then said, tucking the photo into the pocket of his pyjama pants. He walked past another group of people who stared at him in shock, to get to the dustpan and brush. He swept up everything, picking up the bigger pieces with his hands and binned everything.

By the time he was done, he looked into the common area and saw it completely empty. Minho stared at him, arms huddled around himself, from his bedroom.

“Where did everyone go?”

“I kicked them out,” Minho said quietly. “I’m sorry about your photo.”

“It’s okay,” Jonghyun said. “It’s okay… It’s not the worst thing to happen to me this week.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Minho asked. He walked over to the coffee table where an opened packet of beer sat. There were two left and he cracked one open for himself and chucked the other one to Jonghyun. Jonghyun pawed at it for a moment, trying to decide if it was wise to drink this late in the night.

Jonghyun then cracked it open and joined Minho on the sofa. In the dark of the apartment they would hear the sounds of police cars and ambulances and the occasional car drive by. He heard a lady scream from the 11th floor and a baby cry from the apartment above.

“Jinki’s getting married,” Jonghyun said as he took a sip of beer.

“Jesus,” Minho said. “That’s rough. How are you taking it?”

Jonghyun gave his friend a sarcastic smile. “Not very well, actually. I just blew up at my flatmate for a broken photo frame. Something easily replaceable.”

Minho sipped on his beer, pensive. “It’s not about the photo frame, though, is it? Jinki gave you that frame.”

“So?”

“You’re worried about losing him.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Jonghyun said with a snort as he sipped on his beer again.

“If you love him so much, you need to tell him, sooner rather than later.”

Jonghyun stared at the black mirror of the TV, he could see himself perfectly reflected, looking sad as could be with a beer clutched in his small hands. How pitiful.

“How can I tell him, Minho?” Jonghyun sighed. “Sunyoung can give him a future he needs. All I can give him is my heart.”

“Maybe that’s all he wants,” Minho suggested.

Jonghyun shook his head. He put his half-full can of beer on the coffee table and retreated over to his bedroom. He stopped at the door and swung it back and forth for a while.

“Love… isn’t everything,” Jonghyun said to Minho before he ducked inside, letting the dark consume him whole.

As he laid in bed, captured in the sound of silence, he still couldn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t fall asleep when Minho retreated to his own room, closing the door with a soft click. The silence that encapsulated him as the city began to quieten down as the night wore on was somehow louder than anything Jonghyun had ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, first of all, i can't express how overwhelmed i am at the amount of kind words and support i'm getting for this fic. you guys are amazing and i'm really thankful to be in such a warm and receptive fandom <3
> 
> secondly, i have just finished a very big minkey/jongyu project (though i've just been calling it minkey cus it's the main pairing) that ended at about 104k words and i shall be posting that next Sunday :D
> 
> thirdly, if you are a writer, or even just wanting something fun to do over the summer, some of friends are doing the summer of 5hinee on twitter. it's a fic fest with a load of cute prompts remaining. i'm sure you'll find something cute for yourself to write if you're interested. I know the prompts i've picked are definitely up my alley!
> 
> thanks again everyone, you're all awesome. I hope you enjoyed this little chapter, sorry it's a bit domesticated but, sometimes you need the calm before the storm, right? ;D
> 
> follow me on twitter: @jjong_bluemoon  
> follow @summerof5hinee and join in the fic fest fun!!!


	4. Chapter 4

“Jesus, you look like shit,” Kibum said to Jonghyun the next morning. They had met up at the venue to wait for Go-eun. Kibum was supplying the dress she would be wearing in her staged photo, already wrapped up in a black protector case.

Jonghyun gave Kibum a tight smile as he pulled out his equipment from the back of the taxi. His tripod stand, his laptop, his expensive camera: all packed away in their own protective bags and containers. He tipped the driver when he was finished and watched the taxi drive away, shielding his eyes from the sun.

“How much sleep did you get last night?” Kibum asked.

“Not much,” Jonghyun replied, facing his friend. “Minho and I had a heart-to-heart.”

“About Jinki?” Kibum guessed with a weird, sympathetic smile. He helped Jonghyun bring in the camera equipment, Go-eun’s dress tucked over one arm, tripod case tucked under the other. “What did Minho say?”

Jonghyun led Kibum down the hallway towards the big open hall. It had arched windows, facing towards the morning sun, crowds of blooming trees hugged the glass, painting shadowed patterns on the wooden floor.

“You’ll find this funny,” Jonghyun started as he set up the tripod and sitting the camera on top comfortably. “He told me to tell Jinki how I feel.”

“I don’t think that’s funny,” Kibum said with a straight face. He hung up the dress on the back of the door and sat on the cushioned alcove seat, letting the sun beat down on his back. Kibum looked pretty like that, just sat surrounded by sunlight as nature’s call cried out to him, scratching at the glass. Jonghyun raised his camera up and took a shot as Kibum turned away from him.

“Did you just take my photo?” Kibum asked with a smirk. “I knew you thought I was good enough to model!”

Jonghyun shrugged with a cheeky smile of his own. “I don’t ever remember saying you weren’t.”

“Anyway,” Kibum said, his smiling fading slightly. “Telling Jinki how you feel is a good idea.”

“Yeah, come off it, Kibum,” Jonghyun snorted as he set his laptop off to the side. Go-eun would be looking at each set of photos that he would take in a span and choose the ones she liked the most. The more photos he sold of her, the more money he would make in commission. Kibum was getting his dues by the amount of time she wore that dress and they had conspired together to draw out the process as long as morally possible.

“What would telling Jinki the truth do? It’ll just be trouble.”

Kibum inhaled sharply, like a hiss from a kettle reaching boiling point. “Maybe Jinki’s wedding is like this drought we have going on… and your feelings are the rain that will bring peace.”

Jonghyun coughed out a laugh. “My feelings like the rain?”

“You love him, don’t you?” Kibum asked, turning to face Jonghyun this time. Jonghyun felt the blood drain from his face, his feet no longer felt like his own beneath him and he struggled to stay upright.

“Ho-how can you know that?” Jonghyun stuttered.

“You told me when you came over drunk as hell after Jinki told you he was getting married. You were sat on my floor, high on vodka, sobbing your little broken heart out and I felt sorry for you.” Kibum’s face changed. He smiled sympathetically. “You know I’m on your side here. You and Jinki would be good together.”

Jonghyun fiddled with the tripod, lowering the height only to pull it back up again – he continued that process until Kibum cleared his throat and Go-eun with her fiancé turned up with bright smiles on their faces.

Everything that seemed to start out hopefully had ended up in a big fail. Jonghyun spent most of the session zoned out, mulling over Kibum’s words, his confessions and admittances, and Jonghyun own feelings towards Jinki, and now to Kibum who knew his secret. He didn’t give Go-eun any instructions, let her run freely and soon he realised how bad of a mistake that was. All of the photos were unclear, framed incorrectly in others, and in a few she was either mid-blink or mid-change in expression giving her face an odd mutilated appearance.

Go-eun was unimpressed by the end of it.

“Do you think this is a joke?” She snapped at Jonghyun towards the end of the session. She was wearing a soft pink knee length skirt with a heart shaped neckline. “This is my _engagement_! I’m _getting married_! Do you understand what that means?”

Kibum raced and put himself in the middle of Jonghyun and Go-eun. “O-of course he does! He’s just really busy at the minute with other clients. His best friend’s getting married too!”

Go-eun still didn’t look impressed. “I want my money’s worth so these last photos better be like the ones on your website.”

“Of course,” Jonghyun said, snapping himself out of his daydream. Kibum punched his shoulder gently and gave him a thumbs up. Their commission was riding on this, even though Kibum was already making bank from her just wearing his designs.

He took another 50 shots, each one different and were now clear, sharp, and angled properly. Jonghyun had also taken charge as the photographer and barked instructions of how Go-eun should tilt her face and how her arms and hands should be positioned, using the natural light to illuminate her beauty. When it came to taking the couple photos, her fiancé was more receptive and stoic in his expressions but Go-eun’s natural glow of excitement more than made up for it.

Of course, Go-eun was still mildly pissed off from his earlier failures but the photos he had taken this time around nearly made up for it. She chose twenty-five out of the fifty and then transferred the 250,000 won to his bank account.

She and her fiancé left soon after and Jonghyun made a note to edit each one like she had requested on a green post-it note.

“You really need to tell Jinki how you feel; it’s affecting your work now.”

Jonghyun gave Kibum a sour smile. “Telling Jinki won’t change anything. He’s not marrying her for love.”

“Of course he’s not!” Kibum insisted, grabbing onto Jonghyun’s shoulders and shaking him. “He’s marrying her because you haven’t made a move on him in fifteen years!”

Jonghyun scoffed and looked away from Kibum’s face.

“Hey! Do you think I’m joking!?” Kibum yelled at him. He moved in closer to Jonghyun’s face, making the photographer’s eyes cross. “Make a move and make it now otherwise you’ll be sat in the audience watching him say I do to Miss Lawyer. Once her claws are in him, you won’t ever get him back.”

Too late, Jonghyun wanted to say with a sardonic smirk. Her claws were already way deep in his heart.

* * *

When Jonghyun got home later that night, two things were waiting for him. One was the tidy cream envelope sitting on the dining table with his name written in neat Hangeul. He picked it up and ripped the envelope open. A small bordered card fell out and Jonghyun read it over.

It was an invitation to Jinki and Sunyoung’s wedding in October, giving the time, date, and place and Jonghyun stuck it to the fridge. He circled the date and then checked the calendar beside it. They were getting married on the 16th of October and it was now the 26th of August. He had just over one month to do something, to make a change.

He laughed at himself. Would he really do such a thing?

The second thing waiting for him was a text from Jinki asking if he and Sunyoung could book a photo shoot at Jinki’s family’s estate in Busan for their engagement photos. Jonghyun texted back asking for the date and Jinki suggested two weeks from now.

Jonghyun bit on his lip. Going home…

That didn’t really sound too bad at all.

* * *

The build up to going home didn’t particularly drag by, nor did it whizz by like some sort of fast-framed montage in a movie. It just existed, every day passed as each hour drifted by and Jonghyun was no closer to admitting his feelings to Jinki despite every nerve in his body begging him to.

Kibum was also begging him to, but Jonghyun could ignore him easily. He asked Kibum to accompany him to Busan as a stylist for the shoot and Kibum had agreed on the condition that he got to meet Jonghyun’s mother. Begrudgingly, Jonghyun agreed and that was how he found himself two weeks later on the highway between Seoul and Busan in a rented van stuffed to the brim with all of his and Kibum’s belongings, professional and personal, including Jonghyun’s high-tech equipment and Kibum’s best chosen outfits (“Only the best for Jinki’s fiancée, right?” He had said to aggravate Jonghyun even further).

Kibum sat in the passenger seat, nodding off as the dark summer night dripped over the evening peeking from over the horizon. It was ten at night, but Jonghyun didn’t feel the slightest bit tired.

He could drive all night as far as he was concerned.

The interstate down to Busan was relatively quiet and free of any traffic and Jonghyun found it easy to just cruise, one hand on the wheel, the other resting against the window. The moon bowed down from above the sky to greet him, right in the middle of the windshield. Bright and cold and white in the jet navy of the sky, surrounded by twinkling lights that blinked in and out of existence in seconds and minutes.

* * *

“Ah, Jonghyun,” Jinki had said to him one winter night. They were walking home from a classmate’s party, wrapped up in puffy coats and thick scarves and their breath came out as little puffs of condensed air. Just simply seventeen years old. “Do you think Si-young likes me?”

“Si-young? Which one was she?” Jonghyun asked, trying to run through a flipbook of the girls he had seen at their party. At some point they began to melt together. He was bad with faces, and even worse when it came to females.

“The one wearing the leopard print mesh top,” Jinki said.

 _Ding ding ding!_ Her image immediately flipped into Jonghyun’s mind’s eyes. She was tall with long red hair and a small smile. She typically wore clothes like that, the revealing kind; even her school skirt was two inches higher than her fingertips.

“Oh. Her.”

“Yeah,” Jinki said wistfully. He rubbed his hands together as they turned the corner towards Jonghyun’s house. They had agreed to spend the night there after the party as Jinki’s house was a little further away and with no public transport, Jonghyun didn’t like the idea of his best friend walking the streets alone for so long.

“Why do you ask?” Jonghyun questioned, kicking a pebble away from his foot. It rolled down the pavement and settled in the gutter.

“I think I’m going to answer her out.”

“Don’t do that,” Jonghyun said, shaking his head. “She’ll turn you down.”

“Ah…” Jinki looked down at his feet and shuffled behind Jonghyun. He slowly came to a stop and Jonghyun, who managed to walk a few steps ahead without noticing his missing presence, stopped as well.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sending a wish to the moon,” Jinki said, eyes closed and hands together. “If you wish on a full moon, it’s bound to come true.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes and stormed over to his best friend. He grabbed Jinki’s hands and yanked them apart and pulled him close. Jinki’s eyes fluttered open and then widened when he noticed how close Jonghyun had become.

“That’s a shooting star, you idiot,” Jonghyun said with a twisted smile. Jinki bit on his lower lip and looked away. “Do you want to date her that badly?”

“Not really… I just don’t want to be the only guy in my class who’s never had his first kiss before high school.”

Jink dropped his hands to his side, but Jonghyun had not let them go.

“Jinki-yah…”

“It’s stupid right. To want to fit in so badly you have to jump into things that you aren’t sure you’re ready for… I’m not like you,” Jinki said with watery eyes. “I’m not handsome like you.”

“Jinki-yah! You _are_ handsome! You’re _unbelievably_ handsome!”

Jinki laughed bitterly and yanked his hands away from Jonghyun’s touch. He looked back up at the moon and from where Jonghyun stood he could see its reflection in Jinki’s beautiful eyes.

He had always seen Jinki as the sun but at this moment, he envisioned the moon. A tear fell down Jinki’s cheek and his eyes closed and Jonghyun reached up and pressed his lips against Jinki’s plump, pursed ones.

“Wh-what…” Jinki took a step back, hand coming up to his mouth scandalised.

“There, you’ve had your first kiss. It’s not as good as everyone says it is, right?” Jonghyun said, shoving his hands in his pocket and giving Jinki a shaky smile, hoping it didn’t give everything away, hoping it didn’t reveal how fast his heart was racing, pounding against his ribs with such force they might just bow and break.

Jinki didn’t answer, fingers gently running over his lips. “You’re an idiot.”

Jonghyun laughed and turned on his heel and began to walk down the street. “If it makes you feel any better, Jinki… That was my first kiss too.”

* * *

Jonghyun smiled at the moon before turning off into a hard shoulder. He left the engine revving as he closed his eyes and clasped his hands together. Kibum stirred in the seat next to him.

 _I wish_ , Jonghyun prayed, _I wish that Jinki wouldn’t marry her_.

“What are you doing?” Kibum asked sleepily. He stretched in his seat. “Where are we?”

“Don’t know but I needed a break,” Jonghyun lied.

“Were you praying?” Kibum then asked, blinking at his friend.

“You were dreaming that,” Jonghyun stated before leaning to the small container behind Kibum’s seat. He had left a cooler with a few cold canned drinks in there for times like this. “Want a coffee?”

“I guess,” Kibum muttered. Jonghyun grabbed two cans out of the container and close the lid carefully. He handed one to Kibum who rolled it in his hands for a moment as Jonghyun gulped down the contents like water. He set aside the half empty can into one of the holders and began to drive off again.

“Wow, the moon is pretty tonight,” Kibum said as he looked out of the window, coffee still unopen in his hands.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun said, his eyes never leaving the big round mystic in the centre of the night sky. He wondered just what Jinki had wished for that night.

And then he wondered if it had come true.

* * *

They arrived in Busan around five hours later, stopping every so often for a stretch or to use the bathroom. Jonghyun pulled up to Jinki’s family’s estate and rang the bell on the outside of the gate.

From here Jonghyun could see Jinki’s car parked up next to the door.

“Who is it?” Came a familiar voice from Jonghyun’s adolescence. He hadn’t realised that Mrs Park was still working at the estate. Jonghyun cleared his throat and leaned out the window to reply back to the intercom.

“It’s Kim Jonghyun, I’m here for Jinki’s wedding photos.”

“Oh! Oh my! Jonghyun-ah, it’s been so long!” The gates then opened and Jonghyun drove down the gravelled path towards the large house.

“Jesus, Jinki’s family is rich,” Kibum awed, sitting forward in his seat as the big western-style mansion grew larger and larger the closer Jonghyun got. He parked his fan just near Jinki’s car.

“Yes, but they’re old money so they don’t flaunt it that much,” Jonghyun informed.

“You didn’t feel the need to tell me this sooner?” Kibum asked.

“It never came up,” Jonghyun shrugged. Kibum tutted and muttered something that sounded vaguely like him cursing Jonghyun’s name.

As they drove over the crackling gravel up to the estate, Kibum turned to look at Jonghyun with a wicked grin. “So, how are you going to introduce me?” He asked, posing suggestively. “Your assistant? Your _lover_?”

“You’re so funny,” Jonghyun deadpanned. “I’m introducing you as Kim Kibum, the fashion designer.”

“Aw, and now would be your chance to make Jinki jealous. Don’t forget, he’s never met me before.”

Jonghyun shook his head, Kibum had the wildest imagination. He turned the engine off and climbed out of the van, brushing himself down. Kibum did the same and they walked towards the entrance together, Kibum keeping close to Jonghyun, their hands almost bumping.

Jonghyun rapped on the door using the vintage knocker Jinki’s mother had bought in auction. The rustic red door opened and Mrs Park, looking older than Jonghyun remembered with thick lines around her eyes and mouth, greeted him with a smile.

“Mrs Park!” He said excitedly, leaning down to hug the elderly lady gently. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“My, you’ve gotten skinnier, Jonghyun-ah!” Mrs Park reprimanded him, patting his cheek lovingly. “And who is this?”

“Pleasure to meet you, I’m Kim Kibum, I’m Jonghyun’s fashion stylist for this shoot,” Kibu introduced himself, bowing politely with a big smile.

“Oh, my. Aren’t you handsome,” Mrs Park cooed, pressing her hand to her own cheek this time in embarrassment. “Come in, come in, they’re all sat in the dining room enjoying tea and scones.”

“Scones?” Jonghyun questioned, wrinkling his nose at the unfamiliar and foreign word.

“They’re an English pastry, usually served with jam and clotted cream,” Kibum explained. When Jonghyun gave him a perturbed look, he added: “I studied in England for a few months when I was in middle school.”

“Well, you’re full of surprises,” Jonghyun mused before heading down to the dining room. The door was already open and Jinki was the first person he saw in his field of vision. His red hair was coiffed and curled, sitting against his face perfectly. His grin was placated, not letting it reach his eyes, as Sunyoung relayed a story to his parents.

Jinki’s eyes then darted to the door and he jumped up in delight, eyes sparkling.

“Jonghyun, you made it!”

Jonghyun entered the dining room, bowing to Jinki’s parents individually and then giving Sunyoung a shallow one in politeness.

“Oh, my. It’s Kim Jonghyun. Haven’t you grown,” Mrs Lee said, hiding her petit mouth behind a napkin. “You’ve certainly become more handsome.”

“Mum,” Jinki whined. “Don’t embarrass him.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Jonghyun insisted with a familiar grin. “This is my fashion stylist for the wedding shoot, Kim Kibum.”

Kibum entered the room and bowed to every single person in the room politely. “It’s lovely to be here. Your home is beautiful.”

Mrs Lee smiled bashfully. “Thank you. Why don’t you two sit and join us for tea? Sunyoung was just telling us about how our wonderful son finally proposed.”

Jonghyun’s stomach settled in knots, twisting and twisting over again, like a rubber band. He took the seat beside Jinki and Kibum took the seat beside him. Jinki grabbed Jonghyun a scone and showed him how to open it and how to properly add the jam and cream.

“My mother says its cream first then jam,” Jinki instructed. Kibum watched him quietly and then followed Jonghyun’s actions as Mrs Park poured them both a cup of English Rose tea.

“Well, after we had that disastrous barbeque set, Jinki decided to go for a walk along the Han River and the sun had just begun to set,” Sunyoung continued after the distraction had settled down.

“Oh, how romantic,” Mrs Lee cooed.

“And then Jinki turned to me and said, _Sunyoung-ah. We’ve been seeing each other for a while, right? Don’t you think it’s time made this official?_ ”

“Oh! How wonderful!”

Jonghyun wrinkled his nose, just what about that story was romantic or wonderful? It sounded like a business deal. Jonghyun caught Kibum’s eye and his friend sent him a sarcastic eye roll that had Jonghyun snickering behind his scone.

In their own little world of inside jokes, Jonghyun didn’t notice the weird glance Jinki was sending his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! We're getting close to the climax I would say. Now we're in Busan, things can only go up from here, right? Right? Hehe
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been commenting and leaving kudos for this fic, you guys are amazing <3
> 
> Also, just a small advertisement for two things:
> 
> 1\. I've started a new fic, this is a LONG one (24 chapters, 104k words) that is Minkey/Jongyu. It's very comedic with a lot of slow burn and soft romantic moments. I promise you it's a rollercoaster of emotions and I have a feeling you'll enjoy it after reading this story (even with the very soft ending). So, check that out if Minkey and Jongyu are your thing!
> 
> 2\. My good friends at summerof5hinee on twitter are still taking prompts until the 27th of May so if you wanna take part and write and enjoy some REALLY good stories and prompts, please claim and join in on the fun <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading and commenting again, even though i saw it to every comment, and I hope you enjoyed the super cute flashback in this fic (one of my personal favourites <3)


	5. Chapter 5

Mrs Lee allowed Kibum and Jonghyun to rest in the only available guest bedroom after such a long drive, unfortunately for the both of them they had been given the only room with a double bed as Mrs Lee hadn’t anticipated another person’s arrival, and the other rooms were currently undergoing some remodelling. The queen sized bed was situated in the dead centre, dressed in duck-egg blue bedding. The walls were coated in blue cornflower wallpaper, each flower twisting and curling around each other’s stems.

The furniture was painted off-white to match the paleness of the blue in the room. There was a large window set just above a vanity table. Kibum dumped his suitcase next to the wardrobe and then knelt on the plush, velvet covered stool to glance out of the window.

“Holy hell, they have a lake in their backyard! Jonghyun, why aren’t you the one marrying into this?”

Jonghyun laughed uneasily and set his own luggage aside. Jinki’s bedroom was just down the hall and all he could remember were the long nights they had spent behind that closed door talking about the future and if they’d remain friends forever. Sleepless nights spent playing video games, watching anime, and when they got older, watching porn together.

“You watched porn together?” Kibum asked, eyebrows raised suspiciously. Jonghyun slapped a hand over his mouth. He hadn’t expected to say that aloud. “Now, I’m really starting to think you’re an idiot for not tell him how you feel. No one would sit and watch porn with their best friend.”

“Not you?”

“God no,” Kibum shook his head. He crept closer, hands coming up as if he were about to tickle Jonghyun. “Maybe he’s a pervert and preferred to watch porn with you because he liked the way you looked when you were aroused.”

Jonghyun slapped Kibum’s hands away and he stood up straight, offended. “Come off it, it’s a normal thing that teenagers do.” When Kibum gave him a strange look: “ _It is_!”

“I’m sure it is… In your world,” Kibum muttered, sitting back on the big bed, looking off to the side. “So, when am I meeting your mum?”

Jonghyun rubbed at his eyes and sat on the bed next to him. He let out a large sigh as he fell back against the plush mattress and felt the silken bedsheets caress his skin. “We can go now if you want…”

“Aren’t you tired?” Kibum asked, he looked back at Jonghyun over his shoulder. “You look really tired.”

“Maybe I am,” Jonghyun muttered, suddenly feeling that absent sensation of sleep fall over him. Thank god the feeling was coming now rather than when he was on the road. “I’ll sleep for a while.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Kibum enthused. “I might join you,” he yawned and fell back against the bed. “Hey, Jonghyun.”

“Mmm?”

“Sunyoung’s a lot prettier than I thought… but I still think you have a better chance than her.”

Jonghyun groaned. “Shut up. Don’t think about it. Just sleep.”

When he didn’t receive a response, he looked over and found Kibum fast asleep, peaceful and content. Jonghyun smiled to himself and let himself fall asleep too.

* * *

Jonghyun was awake a couple of hours later to find an empty bed where Kibum had once rested beside him. He sat up straight, blinking at the hazy midday sunlight bursting through the big window. He rubbed at his eyes again and yawned and stretched and jumped off the bed. He stumbled to the door, limbs still enwrapped in sleep.

Kibum was sitting in the empty lounge downstairs with a book. When he heard the wood creak under Jonghyun’s feet, he looked up.

“Hey,” he said. “Did you sleep well?”

“Moderately. Where is everyone else?” Jonghyun asked.

“Mrs Lee said something about junipers in summer so everyone’s gone out to admire her garden,” Kibum explained. “I declined.”

“How did you manage that?” Jonghyun laughed. Mrs Lee was anything but lenient.

“I lied and said I had bad allergies in the summer,” Kibum said with a smirk.

“Devilish. I like it,” Jonghyun commented with that same smirk. He walked over to the large windows and then looked around the space. “I think this is the room Jinki wants the photos taken in…”

“It’s about the right size for it,” Kibum agreed.

Jonghyun scratched at his cheek, nodding along to the internal stress in his mind. He’d have to move furniture about and the natural lighting will be a bitch to deal with but if everything works in order, the photos will probably be some of the best he’s taken in his career.

“Hey,” Jonghyun then said, as if the idea had just came to him. “Why don’t we go see my mother?”

“Now?” Kibum asked, closing his book. “That sounds so much more entertaining than going to see some junipers.”

Jonghyun snorted. “Don’t knock Mrs Lee’s junipers until you see them.”

Kibum simply let out that shrill laugh when he didn’t quite believe in something Jonghyun had said and pushed him to the side a little as he left the room. Jonghyun grinned at himself and followed after his friend.

* * *

Compared to Jinki’s house, Jonghyun’s small apartment in the dead centre of the city left little to impress. Kibum didn’t say a word when Jonghyun slammed the driver’s side door shut and trudged up to the front door of the shabby looking apartment complex. He dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans and Kibum followed after him, footsteps soundless against the stone paving.

Jonghyun rang the doorbell up to one of the apartments on the fourth floor. Kibum joined him at the door, leaning against the wall, arms folded.

Jonghyun’s mother’s voice crackled through. It sounded sleepy and muggy. “Hello?”

“Hi, Mum, it’s me,” Jonghyun replied with a tense smile. Kibum could count the beats of silence that followed until Jonghyun’s mother loudly exclaimed:

“Jjongie!” The door to the apartment then swung open and Jonghyun nodded his head towards the entrance for Kibum to follow after him. They walked up the winding staircase, Kibum ignoring the pile of crusted vomit in the corner of a stairwell and a used needle that just happened to be laying haphazardly outside one of the beaten down, paint-stripped red doors.

“You grew up here?” Kibum whispered as they walked past other apartments until they reached Jonghyun’s.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun said with a shrug. Kibum blinked at him. “Don’t ask about how Jinki and I met, it’s a long story.”

Kibum looked around the area and saw a brown mouse missing part of its tail scamper across the stairwell before descending down the staircase. “I’m so curious, though…”

“Don’t ask,” Jonghyun warned again and he knocked on one of the doors, the only one on the entire floor to be missing its number. The door swung open moments later and a woman about Jonghyun’s stature and height with kind, puffy eyes, and big heart shaped lips answered the call.

“Jjongie, it is you!” She cried out, cradling Jonghyun’s face in her large hands. She pressed a big, wet kiss to Jonghyun’s forehead and then his nose and then pulled him in for a big hug. “I’m so glad you came to see me. It’s been too long.”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun said, feeling Kibum’s judgmental stare on his back. Yeah, he got it, what kind of son didn’t visit his mother more often? “Sorry, I’ve been busy with work.”

His mother pulled away and stared at him with a little severity. “Your eyes look tired. Have you been overworking? You should come home and work here for a bit, give you some time to relax.”

Jonghyun coughed into his fist and then turned to Kibum. “Mum, this is Kim Kibum, he’s my colleague for my photo shoots. He provides the beautiful clothing.”

“Oh my, oh my! You finally brought a beautiful man home!” His mother cooed. “I’m so thankful.”

“What are you talking about?” Jonghyun asked with a frown. “Kibum and I are just colleagues.”

His mother dropped the love-sick smile adorning her face with a scowl. “So you didn’t bring him here to tell me you were finally in a loving relationship?”

“Mum,” Jonghyun whined. “Can you let us in?”

“We have a lot to talk about,” Kibum interjected with a devilish grin. Jonghyun shot him an acrid glare from over his shoulder.

“Oh, my, of course. Come in, come in,” Jonghyun’s mother ushered them, stepping to the side as they walked through the small walkway into the kitchen, dining, and living room combined area at the end of the apartment. The rooms they walked past were bedrooms and one bathroom. Jonghyun’s room, door still adorned with stickers and posters from when he was a teenager as well as photos of him and Jinki from their older days, stuck out like a sore thumb from the bleakness of the rest of the apartment, including peeling wallpaper and torn parts of carpet.

They walked to the end area and took a seat at the small, round table. Jonghyun stared at the coffee ring to his left and realised with horror that the table was still the same he had used since school. He looked back around the apartment and the realisation continued to dawn that his mother hadn’t changed a single thing about the place since he left.

“So,” his mother started, puttering around the kitchen to pour up some coffee for everyone to drink. “How have you been, sweetheart?”

“Busy, like I said,” Jonghyun said. “Jinki’s engaged.”

His mother stopped what she was doing mid-pour of jet black coffee into one of the pastel orange mugs. The one closest to her had a chip in the rim, like it had since Jonghyun’s childhood.

“I know,” she said slowly, putting the jug aside. “Jinki’s mother rang me to tell me. She then asked when you were planning on getting married and I joked and said not anytime soon knowing you and we had this long conversation about when you two were kids and how inseparable you were… I don’t think she was as perceptive as I was as a mother.”

Jonghyun’s mother had this twinkle in her eyes as she spoke, but her gaze was hard and undeterred.

“I knew long before you did that you were in love with him.”

Jonghyun bowed his head and Kibum stared at him. His mother poured up the remainder of the coffee and brought the three cups to the table. She placed the non-chipped two in front of Kibum and Jonghyun and kept the chipped one for herself.

“Why haven’t you told him the truth, my love?” She asked Jonghyun, stroking his hair gently.

“That’s what I keep saying,” Kibum mumbled into his coffee. He took a sip and immediately felt his gag reflex recoil at the overly bitter taste. It was like she had put half a jar into the pot. He did his best to smile as the sludge coated his tongue like tar.

Jonghyun’s mother nodded sagely. Jonghyun sighed.

“I can make my own decisions,” he said. Kibum snorted indignantly and Jonghyun sent another glare his way.

“Of course you can,” his mother said in that soothing tone. “But I don’t want to see you get hurt over this.”

“I’m fine,” Jonghyun said despite the fact that he very obviously wasn’t fine and everyone could see that fact.

“Are you?” His mother asked. “You look tired and worn out.”

“That’s from working,” Jonghyun shrugged off. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Kibum said with a shake of his head. “You turning up at mine drunk out of your mind crying because he told you he’s getting married is not fine. It’s _far_ from fine.”

“Why did you have to-“

“Jonghyun,” his mother admonished. “How can you sit there and lie to your own mother like that?”

Jonghyun sighed heavily. “I don’t know what came over me. I swear, I’m better now.”

“If you’re worried that Jinki will turn you down,” his mother continued, as if ignoring the tiny little distraction to the conversation. “I wouldn’t let it be the cause of your silence.”

“There are a lot more forces at play than just my feelings for Jinki,” Jonghyun reasoned. “You know his mother is the reason he’s getting married.”

“Of course I know that. I know that woman as well as you know Jinki, but I also know she has her child’s best interest at heart, like I have yours. She wants Jinki to be secure and happy and she believes that this marriage will help that…” his mother commented, sipping on the coffee and Kibum watched for a reaction and found to his dismay that Jonghyun’s mother remained stoically unresponsive to the sludge. He glanced down at his cup, surely she couldn’t drink like that all the time?

Jonghyun snorted.

“Telling Jinki the truth might set you both free.”

Jonghyun didn’t respond and kept his head low, he stared at his coffee for a long moment, letting the conversation fall into irreparable silence.

Then, as if a shark sniffing blood in the water, his mother turned to Kibum and with a big smile asked: “So, Kibum, how did you meet my son?”

* * *

When Kibum and Jonghyun arrived back to Lee manor after being inside Jonghyun’s hovel of a childhood home for three hours, the first thing they noticed was the brand new Lexus parked out front, blocking Jonghyun’s rented van from getting any closer to the house. The car was lime green and shone in the setting sunlight like a captive emerald held behind glass.

“Whoa, who owns that monstrosity?” Kibum asked as he and Jonghyun walked past.

“God knows,” Jonghyun muttered. He didn’t pay any further attention to the car until they walked into the house. The mansion was surprisingly quiet for dinner time and when Jonghyun walked through to the conservatory to see where Jinki was he was surprised to see Sunyoung sitting alone with a book and a glass of white wine in her hand. Jonghyun, as if sensing danger, stepped back and looked for Kibum but found himself alone.

His foot squeaked against a floorboard and Sunyoung looked up. She blinked a few times at Jonghyun before smacking her lips and setting aside her wine.

“Ha-have you seen Jinki?” Jonghyun asked, trying to remain civil as Sunyoung stared at him like a crocodile watching their prey from murky riverbanks. She closed her book and set that side too, resting her hands on her lap.

“No,” she said curtly. “I haven’t. May I have a word with you?” She asked, gesturing to the wicker seat opposite her. Jonghyun stared at it and moved towards it wordlessly, keeping as far away from her as possible. The moment his ass hit the plush cushions, Sunyoung moved in for the kill.

“How long have you known Jinki?” She asked, picking up her wine again and swirling it around in the Tiffany crystal glass.

“Since we were kids,” Jonghyun said, trying to think as far back. “Maybe… 25 years?”

“That’s a long time,” she commented, sipping on her wine tentatively. “You must be really special to him, right?”

“I’d like to think so,” Jonghyun said with a tense, uneasy laugh.

Sunyoung must have noticed this and she sighed into her wine, her breath fogging the crystal up. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“I woul-“

“You can admit it, it’s fine. I can imagine the closeness of yours and Jinki’s relationship that any woman that came between you was public enemy number one on your register…” She swirled her glass again. “I won’t deny it, Jonghyun, I’m jealous. I’m jealous of how close you two are and how you can influence his decisions…”

As far as Jonghyun knew, none of his influences on Jinki’s decisions up to now had actually made any waves. If he had any power over Jinki’s choices, Jinki would definitely not be getting married at this moment in time.

“You know your marriage…” Jonghyun started, swallowing. “He’s not marrying you for love.”

Sunyoung snorted. “Of course he’s not,” she muttered. “If he was, it wouldn’t be _me_ he was marrying.” She raised a brow as Jonghyun scratched at the back of his hand nervously. “Trust me, if I was marrying for love, I wouldn’t be marrying him either.”

“You wouldn’t?” Jonghyun asked, feeling the baking hot sun of the evening douse onto his back, hot like molten gold against his skin, it burnt against his exposed arms and it boiled under his skin.

“I’m only marrying him because my parents told me to and his parents paid me to. They told me he needed to get married before people starting questioning things… and I took it because getting married would look good for me. I’m nearly thirty and everyone around me is already married…”

She said it with such a matter of fact tone that Jonghyun slowly became enraged. He stood up, slowly, menacingly and stared at her. She glanced at him over her glass of wine and if she could, her gaze would be turned downwards.

“You don’t deserve to carry his last name,” he said, teeth grinding out each word like flecks of flour.

She sniffed and stared at the way the sun refracted in her bubbling wine and then looked at him like a cat stalking a wounded mouse. “And you do?”

Jonghyun swallowed his pride, shoulders sagging. So she knew too. Did everyone except Jinki know?

Before he could defend himself, the front door swung open and two voices were heard chorusing together.

“Look who’s here!” Jinki yelled out from the front door. Jonghyun made his way over to the front of the house, Sunyoung hot on his heels.

Next to Jinki stood little Lee Taemin, not looking so little anymore. He had shot up since Jonghyun had seen him last many years ago, and his face had filled out completely – he had always looked pretty but now he looked absolutely gorgeous. His long black hair dangled in his face as he held his older brother close to him.

Mr and Mrs Lee descended the staircase and Kibum was right behind them.

“Taemin!” Mrs Lee shrieked out, running down the rest of the staircase to throw her arms around her youngest son’s shoulders, pulling in for a tight hug. “Why are you doing here?”

“Well, when you told me that Jinki-hyung had brought his fiancée down to the estate, I couldn’t wait until October to meet her so I decided to come down and see you all.”

“But you came from Tokyo,” Mr Lee said with slight concern. “Aren’t you exhausted?”

“That’s what I asked,” Jinki chimed in as Taemin slapped Jinki’s chest with a roar of joy the moment his mother let him go, he threw his arm back around Jinki’s shoulders and pulled him closer. As he looked over the familiar, and unfamiliar, faces around him, his eyes landed on Jonghyun’s face and his expression changed considerably.

“Who’s- Kibum Jonghyun?!” He called out. “Are you here to meet Sunyoung too!?”

“Ah…” Jonghyun stepped out into the hallway, scratching at his upper arm.

“Actually, Taemin, Jonghyun is the one taking our engagement photos,” Jinki explained and Taemin moved past his hovering parents and wrapped Jonghyun up in a big bear hug.

“You haven’t grown at all!” Taemin said when he let Jonghyun go. “Wow, I’m taller than you now.”

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in why don’t you,” Jonghyun griped but he couldn’t help but smile. Taemin was five years younger than Jinki and had been the type of little brother to trail after Jinki and his best friends to join in on all the cool activities older kids got to do. “You’ve gotten too tall.”

“I’m actually not that much taller than I used to be,” Taemin said with a smile. Jonghyun was still tall enough to meet Taemin eye to eye without much effort but the extra inches Taemin had gained was still completely visible. Taemin smiled at Jonghyun fondly before ruffling his hair and turning back around. “Where is she then!?”

Jonghyun crossed his arms and leant against the wall as Sunyoung emerged from behind him with a graceful smile. She walked over to Jinki and let him wind his arm around her like it belonged there. Jonghyun sneered, it definitely did not.

“This is Park Sunyoung,” Jinki introduced. “My fiancée.”

“She’s pretty,” Taemin said to Jinki, nudging and winking, and all Jinki could do was smile.

* * *

Unbeknownst to anyone but themselves, the Lees had arranged a neighbourhood party and invited all of their networks and connections to the house to enjoy a five course meal of traditional Korean delicacies and foreign treats. Champagne spilled from bottle to glass freely and Jonghyun was down two glasses before the courses had even been cooked.

Taemin was sat out in the garden, on a stone bench that Mrs Lee had commissioned recently, watching with an amused smile as Jinki introduced Sunyoung to family friends. Each time they would say the same thing over and over: “She’s very pretty, Jinki-ah. Well done.”

Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. She wasn’t that pretty, Jonghyun sneered as he staggered out into the garden, third glass of champagne in his hand. Her nose was crooked.

Where was Kibum in all of this anyway? Jonghyun’s thoughts ran a mile a minute and he spun around tipsily before his eyes landed on his business partner entertaining a group of young ladies. Jonghyun waved his friend away. Who needs him?

His footing was becoming worse on the uneven paving and within only a few steps, he was tripping over.

“Whoa, watch out hyung,” Taemin said, jumping up and catching Jonghyun in his arms. “You nearly went flying. Are you okay?”

“M’alright,” Jonghyun replied, hoisting himself up by wrapping an arm around Taemin’s neck.

“Let’s get you a seat,” Taemin suggested as he helped Jonghyun onto the stone bench he had been previously occupying. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Two… Maybe three…” He glanced down at his glass. “Lost my count.”

Taemin grinned and threw an arm over Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Hey, do you want to hear a secret, hyung?” He asked, whispering into Jonghyun’s ear. Jonghyun shivered involuntarily.

“Yes.”

“I had my first wet dream about you,” Taemin muttered, his voice lowering in pitch. Jonghyun’s ears reddened and his entire body was engulfed in flame. “Remember that time when I walked in on you in the shower? It was about that.”

Jonghyun swallowed. “Taemin-ah…”

“You were my first crush, hyung,” Taemin continued, lips barely brushing the shell of Jonghyun’s ear. “I thought about you all the time…” He then pulled his arm away from Jonghyun’s shoulder and gave him a happy smile. “I guess I have you to thank for.”

“For what?” Jonghyun asked, warily.

“For helping me realise who I am. It’s freeing to admit it to yourself. I like men, and there’s no shame in that.” Taemin then took Jonghyun’s champagne glass and down the fizzy wine in one gulp. He gasped. “God, that’s the good shit.”

Jonghyun didn’t quite know what to say to Taemin’s impromptu confession. He felt awkward, emblazed by the heat of his own body and embarrassment.

“So,” Taemin started up again. “Are you still in love with my brother?”

Jonghyun wished he had that glass of champagne again. “What are you talking about?” He laughed.

“Jonghyun-hyung… You can sit there and think I’m still the naïve 13 year old I used to be but I know a lot more than you realise. You were my first love and my first heartbreak. It sucked to know I would never have your heart because it always belonged to my brother.”

Jonghyun swallowed.

“When you’re in love with someone, you start to notice the same signs in other people… especially when the signs aren’t directed to you.”

Ah, Jonghyun realised, so it was obvious that Jonghyun held a shining candle to Jinki’s beauty.

“How did you get over me?” Jonghyun then asked and Taemin hummed, looking up at the evening sky.

“I confessed.”

“I didn’t receive a confession,” Jonghyun said with a frown and Taemin smiled.

“I never actually told you. I wrote it all in a letter and then burnt it. The ashes were your rejection. But, had I been a little older than just a teenager, I would have told you straight up.”

“I still would have turned you down.”

“What, even as I look right now?” Taemin asked with a quirked brow. Jonghyun gave Taemin a glance over. Yes, he had to admit that lanky looking Lee Taemin had filled out in all the right places and the way his arms were toned almost made him drool, but it wasn’t the same.

He wasn’t Jinki either.

Taemin hummed again. “I think… You should tell my brother.”

“What?”

“Tell him,” Taemin said to him, with a serious expression.

Before Jonghyun could list the reasons why he couldn’t do that, Mrs Lee was announcing the first course and the party was being ushered in. Taemin stood up from the bench and helped Jonghyun to his feet. He had his arm around Jonghyun’s waist whilst Jonghyun’s arm hung limply around his shoulder.

“Ah, hyung,” Taemin said as Jinki and Sunyoung caught up to them.

Jonghyun missed the way Jinki stared at their embrace with furrowed brows.


	6. Chapter 6

When Jonghyun awoke the next morning, head rumbling and swollen, he could sense that the house was empty again. Not even Kibum was by his side in the bed and perhaps he entertained the thought that Kibum hadn’t slept there at all despite feeling him shift throughout the night in fitful sleep.

He rubbed at his eyes and stumbled out of the room. Along the stretch of the landing, he still couldn’t hear a single word, a single noise, that gave him reason to suspect he had been wrong with his assumption. He continued, down the stairs, into the conservatory where his eyes looked over the expansive garden. In the trees, something moved. Jonghyun squinted his eyes to get a better look and he could make out the shock of red hair stand against the brilliant emerald green trees.

With a soft smile, Jonghyun ventured into the garden barefoot, wearing his grungy grey t-shirt and sweatpants, and wandered over to where Jinki was sat on a swing-set his father had built when he and Jonghyun had been ten.

“Good morning,” Jinki said first, blinking up at him. Jonghyun grinned. “Are you still drunk?”

“No no,” Jonghyun denied. He stumbled over a patch of grass. “Maybe.”

Jinki grinned and shifted to the side, leaving Jonghyun enough room to join him on the big swing. When they had been younger, the swing had sat the pair of them with space to spare but now they were adults they were squished up against the rusted chain-links on either side of the swing.

“Where is everyone?” Jonghyun asked, looking at the house.

“My mum and dad took Sunyoung and Kibum out to the market and Taemin, I think, is visiting an old friend at LPO.”

“I bet it was a surprise to see your brother here again,” Jonghyun commented, resting against the cold metal chain and looking up at the clear sky. Not a single cloud to mar the beautiful ocean of deep azure.

“More of surprise to see the gaudy car he rented,” Jinki snorted.

“That was his?” Jonghyun asked in surprise. “I didn’t realise his taste was so tacky.”

“Well, he _did_ have a crush on you,” Jinki teased with a grin and Jonghyun shoved him. Jinki let out a gentle laugh and patted Jonghyun’s shoulder. “I think that might be the only thing we have in common…”

“What’s that?” Jonghyun asked, feeling his mouth turn dry.

“Tacky taste,” Jinki grinned. Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

“Nothing about you is tacky.”

“Remember when we were in high school and those gigantic boots were in fashion?” Jinki reminisced. He kicked his feet a little and the swing began to move ever so carefully, as if swayed by the wind.

Jonghyun snorted. “God, you bought like six pairs because you insisted it was a good look.”

“It was!” Jinki insisted, hotly.

“For about three seconds and then suddenly those light-up trainers were all the rage…”

“They’re coming back, you know,” Jinki said in that nostalgic disgust as if the past should be left in the past.

“Well, nothing ever stays irrelevant for long,” Jonghyun commented. He took a deep breath and looked up at the deep blue sky above them. He watched as a flock of birds traced along the depth like shadows. “I saw my mum yesterday.”

“I heard,” Jinki said. “How is she?”

“She still lives in that old apartment complex.”

“The student one?” Jinki asked in surprise. “I thought she would have moved out by now.”

“I guess my dad rinsed her for more money than she told me,” Jonghyun said sadly. “I hate him. I really hate him.”

He felt a soothing hand rub up and down his back and he looked up to see Jinki giving him a watery smile. “If it wasn’t for him, we would never have been friends.”

“If it wasn’t for him,” Jonghyun snorted. “I’d be a lot happier.”

“Do you regret meeting me?” Jinki asked, his hand hesitating on the small of Jonghyun’s back and Jonghyun could feel Jinki’s warmth radiate towards him like a little sun beam.

“God no, never. I regret the circumstances.” They both paused and looked down at the dry ground and somehow they were both five again and trapped in mud. Their wellington boots coated in the stuff, hiding away the cute designs that had been manufactured to please a child’s eye. Jinki had run away again and Jonghyun was looking for his lost cat, and instead found a lost soul. Jinki’s eyes were small and timid when Jonghyun found him in the bushes.

He remembered Jinki’s voice being so quiet and meek that it was almost like a kitten meowing in fear. Jonghyun’s father came up behind them, found the Lee’s son sitting in mud and took him back to their apartment where he washed up, dried up, and became swift friends with Kim Jonghyun, the boy prematurely missing two front teeth.

“I think your father really did love you,” Jinki said in offering and Jonghyun snorted again. “He did.”

“He didn’t love me. He loved power and control and when my mum stood up to him, he didn’t love the effort it took and left,” Jonghyun muttered. “He was a bastard.”

Jinki wrapped that arm around his waist and pulled him in closer and Jonghyun rested his head against the crook of Jinki’s neck.

“I’m sorry, Jonghyun…” He said so softly, so melodically that it shouldn’t have felt like a song.

“I’m going to miss this… Miss you,” Jinki then said wistfully and it was like an arctic breeze had just dropped in on Jonghyun, he shivered and felt his skin prickle.

“You don’t have to go,” Jonghyun said. “Seoul can offer you just as much as Busan can for your kids…”

“I know,” Jinki said in a tone that suggested the decision was out of his hands. “But it’s Sunyoung’s decision and once she told my mum, that was it… it was sold… We’re coming back to Busan.”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything and kicked from the ground, letting the swing move a little more. They stayed like that for a while, kicking the swing back and letting it lull them into a rocking motion, back and forth. They stayed in complete silence and Jinki then took Jonghyun’s hand and held it in his own.

When Jonghyun looked at him in red-faced surprise, Jinki said: “Promise me one thing… After we move away… You’ll find someone and settle down. Just so I don’t worry about you as much…”

Jonghyun laughed through his nose. “You know I can’t promise that.” Jinki looked at him. “I can’t just settle down… It’s not that easy for me… I’m gay, Jinki.”

Jinki didn’t respond to the confession, his skin turning pale and his mouth forming a perfectly taut, straight line. He swallowed, opened his mouth to say something, and closed it again like a gasping fish.

Jonghyun lowered his head, letting the sun bounce off of his golden hair.

And then: “So… you and Kibum?”

Jonghyun immediately balked and shook his head. “God, no. Kibum and I are just friends. Besides… I think he’s more into girls than anything else…”

“It definitely did look that way last night,” Jinki mused with a laugh. He then paused, fell silent, and pressed his fingers to his lips. “So… are you… Do you…”

“I’m not seeing anyone, if that’s what you’re asking…”

Jinki nodded in understanding and fell silent again.

And then Jonghyun felt Jinki’s arms wind around his shoulders, pulling him in close. Jinki buried his nose into the crook of Jonghyun’s neck and hot wetness fell against his skin.

“Thank you,” Jinki said simply, his voice shaking. “Thank you.”

Jonghyun didn’t know what to say in response and instead kept his arms around Jinki’s waist, tight and secure and the two sat there on that swing, letting the feelings of their nostalgia and of what had to come swallow them whole.

* * *

When Jinki had just turned twelve and Jonghyun was still eleven, Jinki had a gigantic tree in his back garden that his family was securing to have cut down for safety reasons. In its place they would have another, healthier tree planted but all Jinki had heard was “cut down” and “big tree at the back of the garden” and he had been planning on staging a protest because he had yet to climb that big tree in the back of garden. He had conquered every other tree with Jonghyun, carving their names into the bark high up on the tree, watching as their names grew higher and higher, touching the sun.

Jonghyun hadn’t been there to hear about this travesty but when he came over after school, like he usually did because his mother worked nights, Jinki told him the plan of climbing the big tree.

Jonghyun had taken one look at how tall and thick the tree was and immediately declined the opportunity. Jinki, who had grown a head taller than him over the summer, looked down at him with a disappointed frown.

“Please?” He begged. “You’re the best climber out of the both of us…”

Jonghyun took one look at Jinki’s pretty, pouting face and immediately made the brash decision to climb the tree. He leapt up the wide trunk, hands scrabbling for something to hold on to before sliding back to the ground.

“I need a hand,” Jonghyun muttered and Jinki was behind immediately, lifting Jonghyun up so he could reach the first branch. Jonghyun climbed up with grunted force onto the branch and grinned down at his best friend.

“All the way to the top,” Jinki said, leaping up to grab onto the same branch Jonghyun was stood on. Jonghyun looked up and saw the next viable branch a few feet from his hands. He jumped and grabbed for it and swung himself back and forth as he pulled himself up.

Jinki grinned at him breathlessly as he followed after Jonghyun. However, when Jonghyun got to the next branch he noticed how much higher it was compared to the one he was currently standing on. With a terrified gulp, Jonghyun, looked down at Jinki who was giving the most beautiful smile and he made his decision. For Jinki, he told himself, as he jumped with all of his might.

His hands scrambled for something to hold onto and when he found nothing, he went crashing to the ground, hands first.

Jinki watched in absolute horror as his friend fell seven feet to the ground and landed in an ungraceful thump as a sickening crack filled the quiet air.

“Jonghyun!” Jinki cried out in terror as he jumped back down to the first branch and then to the ground and he ran over to his friend who rolled over onto his back and let out a shrieking gasp as he held onto his broken hand. It flopped around, going limp and Jinki let big tears run down his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered to his best friend. “This is my fault!”

Jonghyun glanced up at him and from the distance he could make out the screaming of Jinki’s parents who were running over to the children. He looked at Jinki who was crying over him, sobbing over him and he gave him a delirious smile.

“Jinki,” he said in a hushed tone. “Kiss it better.”

Jinki stopped crying and blinked at him. “Wh-what?”

“Kiss…” Jonghyun’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and the last thing he felt was Jinki’s warm lips pressing against the base of his broken wrist.

When he came to, he was in a hospital room, hand entombed in a neon pink cast and Jinki was sleeping next to him. He smiled, remembering that Jinki had fulfilled his request and kissed his best friend’s nose before falling back asleep next to him.

* * *

When everyone returned home, the photoshoot began, much to Sunyoung and Mrs Lee’s demand.

There was an odd stillness in the conservatory. Jonghyun was setting up his camera whilst Kibum and Taemin helped to move aside some of the furniture to make the shoot look less cluttered. They kept Mrs Lee’s favourite loveseat, a turquoise Venetian throne with hand painted gold detailing. Kibum muttered it would clash with Sunyoung’s dresses but it went ignored by the majority.

Only Jonghyun had heard it.

He suggested Sunyoung wear the pale lilac dress Kibum had brought to start with and then they’d work around the dusty blue silk number that Sunyoung had fallen in love with on first sight.

The silence became deafening with the door to the conservatory opened. Jonghyun was busy making sure his equipment was aligned with the sun exposure levels and lighting in the room.

“Wow,” Taemin muttered.

Jonghyun finally looked over his shoulder as Sunyoung walked towards the loveseat, the sofa netting of her skirt trailing over the dark oak floorboard. Her dark hair was piled up into a princess bun and her make-up was soft and natural.

Jonghyun’s heart sank as Jinki approached her, mesmerised by her appearance. He held his hand out to her and she took it with a beautiful, nude coloured smile. He led her over to the seat, his own outfit complimenting hers.

He wore a simple black tuxedo with a lilac coloured bowtie and handkerchief to accent the monotone.

“Okay, so, Sunyoung you sit on the seat,” Jonghyun instructed, waving his hands as he viewed the set up through his viewfinder. Sunyoung did as she was told, sitting delicately to not wrinkle her designer dress. “Jinki you stand off to the side and look down at her.”

Jinki moved to the right, blocking the sunlight.

“Move a little bit further.”

He did so, nearly ending up over the arm of the chair. Jinki looked at Jonghyun helplessly.

“No! That’s good. Sit on the chair,” Jonghyun commanded, looking up from his camera with a smile. For a moment he forgot what it was he was shooting and just enjoyed the moment of capturing Jinki at his most handsome.

Jinki sat on the arm of the chair and continued to follow Jonghyun’s instructions. Sunyoung leant up against him, looking up at him, her neck forward and long, whilst he peered down, face jutting out against his neck to prevent any weird folds. His hand delicately brushed against her arm and she smiled.

Jonghyun frowned. He hadn’t told him to do that.

But it worked.

So he snapped it, hesitantly. He made them take a few more shots in that pose, Jinki’s hand shifting to stroke her cheek, her hand resting on his thigh. Another pose had Jinki placing his forefinger under her chin, as if her looking up at him had come naturally to them.

After around 50 photographs, Jonghyun called for a wardrobe change and scenery move. The loveseat was taken away for a full-body shoot to be taken.

Sunyoung returned moments later in that pale blue dress and even Jonghyun had to admit the colour suited her skin tone better than the purple one had. Her bodice was tight and stitched with silver and the skirt was made of silk netting and Jonghyun felt like he had seen it before. He wasn’t quite sure.

Her hair was down this time, curls cascading down her back like the small creek hidden away in Jonghyun’s memory. Jinki wore a basic blue shirt and white trousers to fit with the theme.

He takes a few photos of Sunyoung by herself, stood at the window, encapsulated in the mid-morning sunlight. She had her hand clasping the frame gently, letting her perfectly manicured nails gleam, whilst her head bent low, smiling to herself with closed eyes.

Jinki then joined her, leaning up against that same frame she had once clasped and they smiled at each other and as Jonghyun watched through the viewfinder, he was reminded of all the times Jinki had been captured, frozen on film, smiling at Jonghyun just like that.

His fingers felt numb by the final photoshoot, this one taken in their traditional white clothing that Jinki’s mother had insisted on.

“I need a photo to hang on my fireplace so I can show visitors!”

Jonghyun hated traditional wedding photos but he did them anyway.

It was nearing 3pm by the time they were done and the mid-morning bright sun had begun to dip down into a warmer yellow burst of light. A different atmosphere. This kind of lighting suited the outside.

Kibum followed Sunyoung after the shoot was done to help her remove the dress and Taemin stuck around to help Jonghyun pack his equipment away.

Jonghyun glanced up when he felt a presence behind him and found he was just by himself with Taemin, Jinki having escaped somewhere amidst the chaos.

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said as Taemin began to put the tripod down and away.

“No problem,” Taemin said with a smile. “How did that make you feel?”

“How did what make me feel?” Jonghyun asked, finding that feigning innocence to the question was better than answering outright. Maybe if he did that, he would be able to avoid the situation entirely.

Taemin looked at him.

“Photographing my brother like that? You do know that once these photos are done, there’s no turning back,” Taemin said.

“I know,” Jonghyun replied. Perhaps if he pretended to be okay with it, he could trick himself into feeling that way genuinely. He would be able to forget that he would be watching this mysterious woman gracefully waltz down the aisle towards the love of his life. He would be able to ignore the smile Jinki would wear for her, the smile he had always hidden away just for Jonghyun.

He’d be able to pretend that it was all make-believe and Jinki wasn’t really getting married.

“Are you really okay with it?” Taemin asked, leaning up against the window as Jonghyun began to process all of the photos through the memory card. Jonghyun looked up from his program for a second to nod his head. “Really?”

“Really.”

Taemin hummed and chewed on his lower lip, deep in thought. He drummed his fingers against his upper arm for a second, staring Jonghyun over before kicking himself away. He walked behind Jonghyun and began to rub at his arms gently.

Jonghyun paid no mind to it at first, Kibum often did that when he could sense that Jonghyun was getting tense from being hunched over his camera for hours on end. Taemin’s deft fingers moved up to his shoulders and he began to massage deep into Jonghyun’s tissue.

Jonghyun let a little groan slide past his lips as he tried to concentrate on picking the best photos out of his multitude. Taemin’s fingers worked themselves past every tension, every piece of stress. The wedding, his feelings, the inevitability that this may be the last time he sees Jinki in a very long time.

“Hyung,” Taemin said, low in his throat. He bent down so that his lips were level with Jonghyun’s ear. “Hyung… You can use me… If you want?”

Jonghyun didn’t quite understand Taemin’s words. Use him? For what?

“Taemin-ah-“

“Use me,” Taemin whispered as his fingers worked past his shoulders and down, down, down to where his abdomen was. Taemin trailed over the small pockets of muscle where Jonghyun had spent months of aching and burning to train himself. His fingers dipped lower than that, to the edge where his pants met his tucked in t-shirt. “I’ll let you, if you’d like.”

“Taemin-ah, I don’t think…”

Taemin began kiss that sweet spot behind Jonghyun’s ear before moving lover, tracing the column of Jonghyun’s neck and Jonghyun could help but let out an involuntary moan, his body stirring in ways he hadn’t felt in a long time. Taemin’s fingers, his lips, they felt so good.

Too good.

Sinfully good.

“Hyung,” Taemin groaned, pressing himself up against Jonghyun’s back. He began to keen, rubbing himself against where his ass met the stool he was seated on. “Hyung, please.”

For a moment, Jonghyun almost let himself fall into the trap. He almost let himself be taken control by the kid he had always looked out for since his childhood. The kid who had been beaten up a few times after school just for looking different than the other kids.

This wasn’t a kid anymore, Jonghyun told himself, Taemin’s twenty-five now.

“ _Hyung_.”

No, Jonghyun shook his head, Taemin could be fifty and he’d always be that same 15 year old kid to him.

He pushed Taemin away, hearing him topple to the floor with a thump, moving away from his laptop. Taemin looked at him, confused from the floor. His face went red with embarrassment.

“Taemin, this… You shouldn’t have…” Jonghyun couldn’t find the words. As Taemin looked at him, he pictured the look of heartbreak he must have worn the day he figured out Jonghyun liked his older brother. He didn’t want to hurt Taemin, but to knowingly sleep with him when he knew fully well he wouldn’t be able to return his affections would cause more drama than Jonghyun needed right now.

His best friend, the love of his life, was getting married. That was enough drama for him.

“Hyung,” Taemin said with a stern tone. He picked himself up and brushed himself down. “You don’t know how many guys your age would be lucky to sleep with a guy like me.”

“Trust me, Taemin, I’m aware.” I was twenty-five too once.

“Why pass up the chance?”

“Because you’re still in love with me,” Jonghyun said and the shock that shone in Taemin’s eyes was more than enough to know that Jonghyun was right. One hundred percent accurate. “Sleeping with you would make it worse.”

“I’m not-“

“Come off it, Taemin,” Jonghyun scoffed. “I knew it for the moment you confessed all that shit to me last night. You’re in love with me and you have been since you were a kid.”

Taemin’s face turned an awful shade of red and his lower lip quivered. “Why…”

“I love you too much to hurt you like that,” Jonghyun said softly. He moved forward to do something, anything, to comfort the young man but Taemin jerked away like a hurt puppy. He gave Jonghyun an acidic look and raced out of the conservatory.

Jonghyun ran a hand through his hair, lucky for him he was leaving tonight.

* * *

Kibum drove home that evening whilst Jonghyun sat in the passenger seat, letting the events of the two days pass over him like a fluttering evening cloud. The sky above melted from a deep shade of royal blue to the brightest fiery orange below the horizon. The moon was orange and glowing, like a lantern during Chinese New Year.

“I didn’t know a blood moon was due this month,” Jonghyun mumbled.

“Hm?” Kibum looked over to where Jonghyun was staring. “Oh, wow. That’s gorgeous.”

The drive was mainly silent for the most part. Kibum had started the first hour with the radio playing by had turned it off by the second as Jonghyun grumbled about the station playing the same songs over and over again.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kibum asked.

“Sure,” Jonghyun replied, tracing over the moon and its craters with his forefinger.

“What did you do to that Taemin kid?”

“Huh?” Jonghyun looked over to Kibum with a frown.

“Well, when he came out to say goodbye to us with the rest of his family he gave you the weirdest look. It’s the same look you wore when you said goodbye to Jinki.”

“It’s a long story,” Jonghyun admitted, sinking lower in his seat. As the sun set lower and lower, the little villages Kibum drove past began to glow, little beacons of life in the countryside.

“So… Are you going to tell Jinki how you feel?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun didn’t reply. “If it’s an consolation, I think you should.”

“What will it do? The photos are taken now.” They sat in his laptop like dirty little reminders of what Jonghyun had and lost.

“That means jack,” Kibum snorted. “Photos are photos. They’re not married yet. The way I see it, you have until the day before the wedding to make things right.”

“What is right?” Jonghyun asked. “What is right? To Jinki, the right thing to do is marry Sunyoung and have a family and the right thing for me is to tell Jinki that I’m completely in love with him and ruin his life.”

“You won’t ruin-“

“Kibum, I _will_ ruin his life. He can’t have a normal life with his family the way they are. If he breaks that wedding off for me, they’ll disown him, even if they never know the real reason.”

Kibum was silent. Jonghyun continued.

“What will Jinki do? Live with me in a little flat and we’ll pretend like the rest of society doesn’t hate us and the very fact that we’re in love and besides! Jinki… Jinki would never return my feelings so none of this matters. Me telling him I love him would only ruin our relationship and nothing else would change.”

Kibum remained silent, his fingers tightening over the steering wheel.

“In fact, the only thing that would change would be the fact I have no best friend anymore.”

“Jonghyun…”

“What makes me angrier is that none of you think that I haven’t been dealing with this for the past fifteen years. Every night I lay awake and contemplate what life could be like if I told him the truth and maybe he’d be in that bed next to me and I’d be able to listen to his breathing as he slept and know that everything worked out.” Jonghyun then rolled down the window of the van and stuck his head out.

“Jonghyun! What are you doing?”

“I’M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND LEE JINKI AND HE’S GETTING MARRIED IN TWO WEEKS!”

Jonghyun reeled himself back in and rolled the window up.

“Feel better?” Kibum asked sarcastically.

Jonghyun gave him a sharp smile. “Of course not.”

* * *

It was around midnight when they arrived back in Seoul and Kibum dropped Jonghyun off at his studio. He helped Jonghyun move the equipment inside and then invited him out for a drink and some food. Jonghyun contemplated it as he locked his studio up completely. The street lights flickered like stars over them and in the dark night sky, the orange moon was hidden behind grey clouds. Not a single star was visible to Jonghyun’s eyes.

“Yeah,” he decided. “Let’s go for a drink.”

He and Kibum left the van at the studio, as it was still under Jonghyun’s ownership until tomorrow afternoon. They grabbed a taxi from the main street and headed to a pub near Kibum’s apartment. It was crowded with businessmen, letting themselves loose after a hard day’s work. Shirts were unbuttoned and blazer sleeves were rolled up to elbows. Many of them were hitting on the bartenders whilst others played drinking games with soju and beer.

Kibum ordered two beers for him and Jonghyun and they walked to the back of the bar where a large screen was playing a music channel. The music was barely audible over the loud jeering of other patrons and Kibum was a third into his beer by the time Jonghyun even touched his.

“Man, I never thought how awkward it would be with you and Jinki,” Kibum finally confessed with some alcohol flowing through his veins. “Jinki’s completely oblivious but I don’t think Sunyoung is.”

“What?”

“Well, call me blind but I think she has an idea of your feelings towards Jinki,” Kibum explained. He was half way down his beer now, traces of white foam tainted the pristine clear glass. Jonghyun was a third in.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun said sullenly. “She pretty much told me as such.”

Kibum didn’t say anything and tipped his beer back, letting the warm, golden elixir run down his throat.

Jonghyun pursed his lips and then sipped on his beer again. “Maybe I’ll get uninvited from the wedding.”

Kibum snorted, finishing his beer. “I doubt it. She might have an idea but Jinki doesn’t and you’re Jinki’s best friend, not hers.”

“Can you imagine,” Jonghyun started, staring at the bubbles disintegrating from the bottom of his glass to the top of his half-drunk beer. “If I was Sunyoung’s best friend and I was in love with her future husband. That’d be like a drama.”

“Your life is already like a drama, Jonghyun,” Kibum pointed out. He raised his glass to get the final dregs of his beer before standing up to grab another glass. He returned a moment later with two more glasses. “Anyway,” he said, grabbing Jonghyun’s hand. “I’m not going to tell you to tell Jinki the truth anymore.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said appreciatively. “To be honest, I had made me mind up years ago to do it… I just expected to have more time. One minute we were seventeen and then the next Jinki’s nearly 30 and getting married. It happened too soon even though twelve years have passed since then.”

Kibum smiled at Jonghyun lazily. “If you want to tell him, you should, but I’m not going to be the chip on your shoulder.”

Jonghyun rubbed his finger against the condensation on his beer glass and rubbed the wetness between his thumb and forefinger. “Do you think… Maybe… I don’t know what to do… I love him so much, Kibum. Why has this happened?”

Jonghyun dug the heel of his palm into his eyes as tears began to spill out without much warning. In all honesty, he’d felt like this all day, that horrible lump in the throat feeling that warned him over and over that he was due for a cry. An arm snaked around his shoulder and he was pulled close into a firm warmness.

Kibum rubbed his hand up and down the expanse of Jonghyun’s back.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Kibum whispered and he pressed his mouth to Jonghyun’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

After a few minutes, Kibum bought him two more beers and the rest of the night fell into blackness.

* * *

How had he ended up here? In front of Jinki’s apartment. It was one am and Jonghyun was sure his best friend would be asleep right now. Or maybe, Jonghyun pictured, he was lying in bed counting imaginary stars on his ceiling and contemplating his deep love for Jonghyun.

Jonghyun giggled to himself as he tried to stay steady on his feet. He wasn’t exactly sure how he had gotten up the stairs to the fifth floor but he’d managed. He’d said goodbye to Kibum at the bar and he got into a taxi whilst Kibum walked home. He had told the driver the wrong address and when he was there, he didn’t bother to correct him.

He just got out and walked into the complex and up to Jinki’s apartment, like a sixth sense.

He rested against the door and knocked on it very slowly. He pressed his ear to the wood and listened out for any shifts of movement. He wondered if Sunyoung was in there with him.

Maybe they were doing dirty things. Sure, it wasn’t for love, but being engaged surely meant _something_ in that department, right?

The idea make him feel sick and he retched before swallowing thickly, hoping he could keep the five beers he had consumed in his stomach.

He rapped his knuckles against the door again, a little louder this time and he decided to jostle the doorknob. If he was sober, he’d be able to punch in Jinki’s passcode – it was Jonghyun’s birthday – and enter the apartment of his own will. Instead he was leant against the door, whispering Jinki’s name and knocking at the door at different sounds and speeds.

He stumbled back from the door and hiccupped. He ran towards it, throwing his whole body against it and began to loudly bang his fists. The door opened a minute later and Jonghyun came tumbling in, tripping over the step into the apartment and went flying into the common area.

“Jonghyun?” Jinki mumbled sleepily from the front door. He closed it behind him and helped his best friend up to his feet. “What are you doin- Are you drunk?”

Jonghyun grinned at him sloppily. Even in the darkness of the apartment he could see Jinki’s face so clearly, as if he was meant to look at it all the time no matter what. He was pretty even with bleary, sleep swollen eyes. He wanted to kiss him. He decided against it.

“A little bit,” Jonghyun admitted before snickering to himself behind his hand. Jinki was mildly amused from the half-smile twitching on his lips. “I came here to tell you something. Something important.”

“It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Jinki asked, yawning. He leant up against the wall and waited for Jonghyun to clarify himself further.

“No, I’ve have enough of waiting for tomorrows. I’ve had fifteen years’ worth of tomorrows to wait for.”

Jinki frowned. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about but it’s too late for you to be talking like this…” He pushed himself from the wall and decided to steer Jonghyun towards the sofa where he could sleep off the biggest hangover of his life.

“No!” Jonghyun demanded, digging the heel of his foot into the wood and turning around to Jinki. His friend just stood there, exasperated, and crossed his arms.

“Jonghyun, I have work tomorrow.”

“So do I!” Jonghyun said, jabbing his thumb into his own chest. “So do I!”

Jinki smirked. “So why are you here?”

“Why I’m here?” Jonghyun asked, blinking around at his surroundings. Oh, right, he was in Jinki’s apartment. “Oh, I’m here to tell you something.”

“Okay, tell me.”

Jonghyun opened his mouth and a loud keening sound came out instead. “I can’t!”

“Why can’t you?” Jinki asked. He didn’t look so amused anymore. “Jonghyun, I really can’t…”

Jonghyun placed his hands on Jinki’s shoulders and the two walked backwards together, in a weird, sleepy-drunken tango mix, until Jinki’s back hit the wall. They stood staring at each other in this patch darkness, their breaths mingling – Jinki’s smelling like toothpaste, Jonghyun’s like the backend of a dingy bar.

“Jonghyun,” Jinki whispered and Jonghyun couldn’t tell in his haze if the look in Jinki’s eyes were arousal or fear. “What’s gotten into you?”

Fear, perhaps.

“Ah… I need to tell you something,” Jonghyun said again and Jinki rolled his eyes. He tried to pry Jonghyun’s hands from his shoulder but Jonghyun’s grip only tightened and he pushed Jinki further backwards.

“Jonghyun, you’re hurting me.”

“No!” Jonghyun shouted suddenly. “You don’t get to say that! You’re not the one hurting here!”

Jinki blinked. “What?”

“I’m hurting. Fifteen years I’ve been hurting because of you!”

“What did I do!?”

Maybe Jinki didn’t get that Jonghyun meant it in the metaphorical, poetic sense. Maybe Jinki thought he’d actually been doing something so hedonistically wrong that it had hurt Jonghyun without realisation.

“I…” Jonghyun stopped. “I… I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jinki replied with a soft smile. “You didn’t have to wake me up at two am to tell me that.”

Was it two am? Shit, he’d been drinking longer than he’d thought.

“No, you don’t get it!” Jonghyun said with a shake of his head. He was starting to whine now, his pitch getting higher and higher in the back of his voice. “I _love_ you!”

“Jong-“

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, you idiot!”

Jinki stood there, completely frozen.

“You’re my whole world. You’re the sun when it rises in the morning and when it sets in the evening and you’re the moon when I can’t sleep.” Jonghyun paused for thought. He could taste bile in the back of his throat. “I love you so completely that the idea of you marrying this bitch kills me inside.”

Jinki remained solid and still, his breathing splintered and shallow.

Jonghyun cupped Jinki’s face roughly with his bare hands and pulled him down to kiss. His lips felt chapped against Jinki’s, rough and uninviting. Jinki’s hands pressed against Jonghyun’s waist and within moments he was kissing Jonghyun back with the same urgency Jonghyun had been feeling his whole life.

Fifteen years of worship brought up into a single kiss and it left Jonghyun’s head spinning against the alcohol. Jinki’s hands moved from his waist, up to his chest and he gripped onto Jonghyun’s t-shirt. When Jonghyun let out a little moan, he pushed back.

Jonghyun almost teetered over his own feet as Jinki stared at him, fingers pressed to his lips.

“I think you should leave now,” Jinki said quietly. Dangerously quiet.

“But-“

“I’m getting married in two weeks, Jonghyun… Just please go home now.”

Jonghyun grumbled under his breath and headed for the door. As he swung it open with an almighty force he glanced back at Jinki. “Don’t think I’m coming to this stupid wedding.”

Jinki glared at him and said back: “Don’t worry, your invitation had been rescinded.”

Jonghyun left, slamming the door after him and he ran down the stairs and as soon as the chilly October air hit his lungs he doubled over, retching, and vomited into the gutter. Tears streamed down his face as he gripped the light post as his stomach turned inside out and ejected all of its contents onto the street.

He collapsed to his knees a moment later and grabbed his phone.

With shaky fingers, snot dripping from his nose and bile bubbling at the sides of his mouth, Jonghyun texted for a taxi.

He didn’t remember getting home but he definitely woke up in his bed the next morning with the worst headache in human history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter: @jjong_bluemoon
> 
> also, seeing as this fic is coming to a close, I'm gonna remind you about the new on I'm currently posting. It's called The Duty of Love and it's a lot more lighthearted and comical than this. I feel you'd find it a breather from the melodrama in this fic :P
> 
> It's also Minkey/Jongyu and i promise it's cute as hell <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone having read thus far. Yes, I did just leave you on a cliffhanger, but next week will deliver your relief!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3333


	7. Chapter 7

Jonghyun didn’t go back to work after that. He closed his studio and refused any appointments with brides-to-be. He was certain that he would vomit if he saw another wedding dress anytime soon. Kibum had become a faded number in his phonebook, he would call frequently at the start to make sure Jonghyun was eating and keeping himself clean and safe, but soon the calls ceased and Jonghyun was all alone in his apartment from sun rise to sun down.

October hit like a breath of cold air from the west. He huddled up in jackets when he ventured outside and swaddled himself up in a quilt inside the apartment as he sat on the sofa, watching dramas until his eyes glazed over and his ass became numb.

Minho came and went like a cartoon background. Jonghyun would sit on the sofa, contemplating his life without Jinki as Minho moved around in double-speed living his life in technicolour. He would leave at 8am in the morning and return home at around 7pm with food. Jonghyun would eat then, the only time he would eat in the day, and then go to bed whilst Minho watched some TV until midnight and then he too would go to bed.

Most nights he laid on the mattress, still swaddled up like an infant, and just stared at the ceiling. He wanted to stick some of those glow in the dark stars and planets up there like he had when he was kid. Like Jinki had when they were kids. Jinki’s were a lot more intricate and he’d be able to tell Jonghyun which planet was which and sometimes he’d create constellations out of those goofy plastic green stars.

Jonghyun would stare at him as he explained it all and fall more and more in love with Jinki with each word.

Jonghyun turned to the side of his double bed, the space Jinki could occupy in his dreams. Jinki would lay there with him with a whimsical smile on his face and he would take Jonghyun’s hand and they’d watch the imaginary stars together.

“Isn’t it better I chose this life?” Jinki would ask in Jonghyun’s dreams and whenever Jonghyun woke up, he felt a million times worse.

Sometimes the image of Taemin, sitting on the floor staring at him in utter heartbreak plagued him instead, and on those nights, he tried to call Taemin’s number to apologise, but he wasn’t ever able to get through. Maybe, he considered, Taemin had simply changed his number. But a small part of his believed that maybe Taemin had blocked him from ever coming up into his life again.

That would be easy anyway, now that Jonghyun and Jinki were no longer speaking.

A week before the wedding was due, Jonghyun had had enough. He booked a trip to Jeju, three weeks away from any mainland news and any social media. He’d roam the streets of local villages and eat fresh seafood and watch the sun peek over horizon shores shyly, the sky tinted in the candy shade of pinks and purples and apricots.

“Where are you going?” Minho asked when he came home at 7pm with a big bowl of tteokbokki and a paper carton of fried chicken. He stood at the mouth of Jonghyun’s bedroom, watching his housemate fill a suitcase a quarter the size of his bed. He threw jumpers and coats and jeans and was now stood staring at his camera.

“Jeju. Only for a little bit. I’ve left my share of the rent in the fruit bowl in the kitchen,” Jonghyun said without looking up. He turned the camera over in his hands. He then looked up at the photos on his wall. The photos that melted from black and white dog fur to warm brown and cosy red Jinki. Like the changes of seasons, Jinki’s hair shifted from summer to autumn to winter. He threw his camera into the suitcase and then moved across to the wall.

Minho walked inside and the room filled with the scent of deep friend spicy food. The savoury kind of smell that had Jonghyun’s stomach craving it even though he wasn’t particularly hungry at the minute. The crunch of chicken skin like dead leaves on a forest floor being trodden on for the first time. The ruby red sauce of tteokbokki like the hot red sun of summer, blasting through the clouds.

Jonghyun reached up to the first photo of Jinki, taken in spring, and tore it down.

Minho gasped.

Jonghyun then continued his tirade, tearing down all of the photos and leaving the shell of Roo left alone at the top of the wall. He had around 100 photos in his hand when he was done, collection of memories captured on glossy paper forever.

“Do me a favour,” Jonghyun said to Minho. He threw the photos onto the bed, they fluttered into a small pile. “Throw these out for me.”

“But…”

“Just do it, please,” Jonghyun demanded. He then zipped his suitcase up. “My taxi will be here soon. I’ll see you in a little while. Take care of yourself.”

Minho watched after him, mouth gaped open as Jonghyun rolled his suitcase out of his bedroom and to the front door. He wondered if he looked different as he left, if he looked as powerless and empty as he felt when he’d made this decision.

He didn’t think about it when the plane took off a few hours later and he definitely didn’t think about it when he arrived in Jeju an hour later.

* * *

For the first few days of his stay on Jeju, Jonghyun didn’t take his camera with him. He had spent all of his viewing the world in concave through his viewfinder that it was time to see it as the world had intended him to see. The world was a little flatter without his camera, but the colours were brighter. He walked along the coast during the late afternoon of a Thursday, watching as tiny stalls began to come to life, lanterns lighting his way as he passed by.

As soon as he reached the end, he turned back and saw the market alive and thriving, brightly lit and burning against the evening sky. He walked back along through the market and picked up a few items of street food to eat. He took a small bamboo filled plate of grilled black pig and sat off to the side to eat it. He watched as bunting of triangular colourful flags flapped in the evening autumn breeze, couples walked past him in comfy matching clothing, hands entwined with each other.

He tried not to think about how Jinki was taking Sunyoung’s hand as she was escorted down the aisle by her father. How he would pretend to look at her as if she had contained the world’s most precious diamond.

He finished his pig and set the bamboo boat aside and looked around. The market was densely packed with vendors but not many customers. A few high school students were hovering around the mandu stall, each holding a small portion of sweet-smelling, plump dumplings.

Jonghyun didn’t notice a figure approach him until a cup of shikhye was shoved into his face. He looked up, a girl around Taemin’s age was smiling at him.

“You looked lonely,” she said with an accent. “This is on me.”

Jonghyun took the drink wordlessly and she skipped away and clutched onto her boyfriend’s arm, waving at him cheerfully. Jonghyun smiled and stared at the ice cubes floating around the cloudy, milky drink. He took a sip and then moved on.

On his second week he took his camera to Ilchulbong Peak and took many photos of the view from over the sea. From here he could see the entire city, ablaze in orange sunlight. The deep blue ocean glistened in the setting sun as it rippled to and from the shore, touching freckles of sand and collecting the footprints of passers-by.

Jonghyun followed a group of American tourists who took one look at his camera and asked, loudly, if they could take his photo for him.

He’d never taken a photo of himself.

He handed the camera over to the woman with curly brown hair and stood off. He didn’t quite know how to manage himself, remembering all the candid photos he had taken of Jinki throughout their childhood. He turned his head to the side ever so slightly and he heard one of the Americans saying that he looked quite handsome.

The woman took three photos of him, all from different angles and handed the camera back. They then asked him to take photos of them in return and he blindingly obliged, taking their phone from them. His instincts kicked in and stepped back as the group of five gathered together, crowding each other.

He dipped to his knee, just to the right and the family followed him. He then dipped in front and took one from below, the pale orange sky above them painting a surreal glow.

And then he stepped back a few steps on the staircase behind him and took a few from above. They thanked him when he was done.

“You should become a photographer,” one of the girls, dressed in a pink t-shirt with long blonde hair tied back into a ponytail.

Jonghyun smiled. That’s what Jinki had said to him all those years ago too.

He ducked into the descending crowd and left the peak behind. When he would get home, he’d develop those photos and then toss them in the bin.

He didn’t want to have any photos of himself, he didn’t agree with vanity.

His third and final week had him exploring two folk villages. He took one on the south side in the early morning, walking around slowly, lazily, as he peaked into the thatched roof huts, spooking himself from the mannequin in various poses.

He then took the one of the east side, a few miles away from the first village he had visited, and here he saw the black pig that he had devoured on his first week. The small pig with a glossy black coat and large eyes looked up at him as its snout twitched. He felt a small tear roll down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the pig. “I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry.”

The pig didn’t take any notice of Jonghyun and moved away, its tail swishing behind him.

Jonghyun inhaled deeply and moved away from the enclosure. He looked up at the deepening blue sky and realised just how many nights had passed without Jinki on his mind and now the guilt of destroying their friendship had overwhelmed him to the point where he’d cried over a dead pig and apologised to another one that likely had nothing to do with it.

He wondered if Jinki was on his honeymoon right now, probably on an exotic trip to a tropical island where Jinki, always self-conscious of his body, would wear loud, colourful shirts and his beautiful new wife would wear revealing swim suits and they’d walk down the beach of soft, white sand, hands together.

When Jonghyun returned back to his hotel, he packed his bag and headed to the airport, leaving a few days earlier than he had anticipated.

He needed to get home, he was bone-crushingly lonely on this island.

* * *

Throughout his entire life Jinki had been told what to do: where to stand and look part of a lineage, what to study to become successful as part of the Lee dynasty, who he should be friends with (Jonghyun was definitely not on their list from the start but when Jinki made immediate friends with him in elementary school, that very quickly changed his parents mind, if only because of how they shifted and shaped each other for the better), and now who he should marry and carry the family name on with.

It wasn’t that he hated Sunyoung, she was beautiful, smart, and crafty in ways that Jinki couldn’t have detected. On paper, she was perfect for him, for his family, but in reality, she wasn’t what he wanted. What Jinki wanted wasn’t stability or the chance to produce a family – what he wanted was to be happy with someone he loved, and someone who loved him in return.

In a perfect world, that someone would be Jonghyun.

And in a perfect world, that realisation wouldn’t leave a sickening emptiness in the pit of Jinki’s stomach, but the world wasn’t perfect, far from perfect, and Jinki’s arduous love was lost to the mere existence of his name.

Throughout his childhood there had been only one positive constant above his parents’ prodding and poking and provoking meddling, and that had been Jonghyun. Jonghyun was the kind of person who would lay his heart on his sleeve for anyone and enjoyed capturing the moments in life on film instead of just letting them fly by like anyone else.

Jonghyun was also stunningly beautiful once they breached puberty. Jinki was hyperaware of Jonghyun’s beauty from an early age but with every year that passed by them, it became shockingly clearer and clearer of just how gorgeous one man could be. How could Jinki compete with the long string of girls who attached themselves to his arm, even if they didn’t last as long as his own relationships?

He only started dating because of a girl in his science class had accidentally handed him a note that was meant for Jonghyun and was too shy to say anything. He said yes and she kept the charade going for a year before coming clean. Jinki was devastated but only because he discovered he was competing for his best friend’s affections against his own girlfriend rather than Jonghyun. How sad. How pathetic, really.

As high school continued and Jonghyun grew more and more beautiful by the second, Jinki found himself lying awake at night, remember the party so many years ago where Jonghyun had kissed him just so the two could have their first kisses done and out of the way. Jonghyun looked so cool and casual when he confided that it was his first kiss too, but it had completely shattered Jinki’s world. Nothing, no kiss, no amount of intimacy with another person, would light his soul on fire the way Jonghyun did when he had kissed him that one faithful night.

Sunyoung had been the culmination of lingering feelings and hoarding emotions. She came to his school, visitor badge swinging from her pencil skirt belt and proposed they arrange a dinner together. Jinki was then awarded with an awkward phone call from his mother. He needed to marry, apparently, and he needed to do it quick or else people would start _suspecting_ things.

And so, void of any emotions for her, he proposed and prayed that those aching burning feelings in his chest whenever he thought about Jonghyun would go away the closer the date came. And yet they never did.

And then Jonghyun confessed everything to him, and his entire world had changed completely. How he had wanted to give into that temptation, the way his heart raced, the way the world tilted against its axis and still felt completely upright. He wanted it, he wanted it all and he wanted it with Jonghyun.

It felt so real, so right, with Jonghyun being there, telling him everything and suddenly it felt easy.

Until he remembered who he was and who he was engaged to.

He had sent Jonghyun away broken hearted whilst his own heart crumbled inside and he only rescinded Jonghyun’s invitation so that he wouldn’t jump away from the altar and pounce on his best friend in the pews in favour of kissing the bride like the church would suggest.

It was a morning like any other when Jinki realised he couldn’t continue lying. It was a morning shaded in greyness, the stillness of autumn around the corner, and Sunyoung was in his kitchen drinking coffee in her pyjamas and reading through emails on her laptop.

Jinki, only just awake, stepped out into the kitchen and looked at her. He wondered if there was something wrong with him to not see her as the beautiful woman she was. Or maybe everything was right with him and Jonghyun was indeed the most beautiful person in his eyes.

“Good morning,” she said mechanically, not even bothering to glance up from her screen.

“Morning,” Jinki returned before bending down and kissing her crown. She let out a little huff in retaliation and Jinki wandered over to the coffee pot to make his own cup.

“My mother is wanting to make some changes to the table decorations for the reception,” Sunyoung said. “I told her that five days before the wedding was too late.”

Jinki stirred in some sugar and looked out the window. Five days left, really? Time had flown by, or maybe it had dragged, everything felt the same right now.

“Tell her not to bother,” he said, taking a seat opposite her at the table. Sunyoung let out a noise of affirmation and skipped through to her next email. Jinki took a sip of his coffee and looked at his fiancée. He tried to find a fault in her – maybe her nose was too crooked? But so was Jonghyun’s and he loved that part about him.

“Are you feeling okay?” She asked, looking up with kind eyes.

“I’m feeling like it’s going to rain.”

Sunyoung snorted. “Forecast says warm sunshine from ten o’clock. No rain.”

“It’s been three months,” Jinki muttered. “When will we get the rain?”

“Maybe it’ll rain on our wedding day,” she said with a wonky smile. “That’s supposedly good luck.”

Jinki sipped on his coffee some more. A lucky sign, huh? Perhaps Sunyoung needed that now more than then.

“So, we’ll go to Jeju for our honeymoon and then when we return we’ll pack all of your stuff and move down to Busan,” Sunyoung droned on and Jinki watched the clouds over her head shift, revealing patches of brilliantly blue sky and dashes of potential sunlight mixed in. The day felt like any regular summer day except being in the dead set of October.

“I’ve managed to find a good legal office down in Busan, good hours. I don’t think you’ll have much trouble finding a job there either,” she continued, closing her laptop and looking at him. “Sweetie?”

“Oh, yes, finding a job. I’ve been looking,” Jinki lied and Sunyoung ran a hand through her hair.

“Is something on your mind? You know you can talk to me,” she said. “Is it about Jonghyun uninviting himself from the wedding?”

He didn’t feel right lying about that, but there really wasn’t any other way to explain why Jonghyun was no longer coming.

“No,” Jinki said, setting his coffee cup down. He finally looked at her and saw all of her and realised that this apartment was where he wanted to be. He wanted to be sat at a table drinking coffee and having idle chit-chat with his significant other and look forward to turning into bed with them and going to sleep knowing that he’ll have a whole other day with them that would bring nothing but joy and fulfilment with his life.

He wanted all of this. But not with her.

“It’s the wedding itself.”

“Do you want to change something?” She asked, readying to open her laptop again before Jinki reached over and kept it closed.

“I do. I want to call it off.”

Sunyoung’s voice seemed to stutter in her throat. “C-call it off!? Why!?”

“I just realised something,” he said, standing up. “I realised that I’ve spent my entire life letting my parents tell me what to do that now I refuse to do it any longer.”

“B-but!”

“I want to be happy, Sunyoung. You want to be happy too, don’t you? You won’t find that here with me…” Jinki paused and sucked in a deep breath before looking at her again. Her eyes weren’t welling up and her face wasn’t looking particularly sad, just disdained. “I’m in love with someone else.”

“I knew it,” she whispered, face down. “I knew it but I didn’t want to admit it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and she stood up and looked at him and he anticipated the slap that always came during these moments in movies. But instead she grabbed her laptop and disappeared into the bedroom. Jinki sipped on his coffee patiently and within a matter of ten minutes she emerged, fully dressed with a bag packed and his keys left on the bedside table.

“I hope you will be happy,” she said as she left. She smiled at him but it didn’t reach her eyes and like that she was gone. All of his mother’s planning and preparing gone.

And he felt a million times happier than ever.

* * *

The first place Jinki went was Jonghyun’s studio but found it closed and bordered up. There was a FOR RENT sign swinging from the door and when Jinki tried to peek through the split boards he found empty white rooms. No machinery, no white backing, no signs that Jonghyun had once worked there.

“Oh,” a voice said from behind and Jinki turned around to see Kibum climbing out of a taxi. “What are you doing here?”

“Where is Jonghyun?”

“I don’t think he wants to see you right now,” Kibum said. “I’m only here to make sure no one’s broken in.”

“Why wouldn’t he want to see me?” Jinki demanded to know as he followed Kibum around the side of the building to the back where the garden was. It seemed empty and void of life, the leaves turning a dull brown before decaying into slush on the paving stones. The pond was empty.

“Because he doesn’t want to see me either… And _I_ didn’t break his heart,” Kibum said, looking at him over his shoulder. He walked along the paving stones and he and Jinki passed by the bench that Jinki had occupied so many times with Jonghyun over the years.

“What’s happened here?”

“Jonghyun quit,” Kibum said simply. “He quit his business and is selling the studio. He asked if I wanted it but I can’t afford the real estate.”

Kibum unlocked the back door, that wasn’t bordered up, and slipped inside. Jinki followed him, his foot colliding into a layer of thick, grey dust. The walls, once white even without sunlight, looked like chalk crumbling into nothing. The wooden floors, once waxed every other week was now littered in footsteps in dust. Most of them looked to be Kibum’s on his routine checks.

“Why did he quit?”

“Because he loved photography, Jinki,” Kibum explained and he walked through the studio. The place was completely barren of anything. Not even a coffee cup left behind as an after-thought. “He loved it so much that when his only muse left him with nothing he couldn’t do it anymore. Why do you think he took photos of you all the time?”

“But…” Jinki started, unsure of where to go. Kibum stopped in the middle of the reception, or at least what was the reception when the place was still alive, hands on his hips and looked at Jinki expectantly. “I just want to tell him I love him too.”

“I think you’re too late for that.”

“Why would you say that?”

“The reason I told you that Jonghyun won’t want to see you is because he can’t see you. He’s not in Seoul at the minute. He’s in Jeju on a self-discovery mission.”

“How do you know this?” Jinki asked. And how do I not know this?

“Minho told me. You see, you weren’t the only person looking to find him,” Kibum said with a sad expression. “When he returns, I hope he comes back.” He heaved a deep sight that unsettled some of the dust, letting it fly into the air. “He wasn’t the only one who enjoyed his photography.”

“So if I talk to Minho, I can know when Jonghyun is coming back?” Jinki asked.

“If he is coming back,” Kibum added. “If he ever comes back.”

Jinki didn’t even stop to say thank you as he ran out of the studio through the back doors, back past the stone bench and the empty, void-of-life pond, towards where Jonghyun’s apartment was.

* * *

Minho hadn’t expected Jonghyun to come home this early. He had spent the previous two weeks free of any roommate obligation. He’d invite women home from nights he’d spend out with his colleagues back to his flat and would let them stay over until the morning broke.

He’d then tell them to leave and would repeat the process over and over until he got sick of it by the start of the second week.

The doorbell ringing at 5pm on a Saturday was unexpected for Minho as he skittered out of his bedroom, gathering his clothes that had been strewn across the living room in a torrential blaze of passion, and walked over to the door. He took a deep breath, ready to explain himself to Jonghyun and then opened the door.

“When is Jonghyun coming home?” Jinki asked. Minho blinked. He’d seen Jinki in all of those photos and had never once met him in person. He was handsome, just as Jonghyun had captured, his dark brown hair growing past his eyebrows.

“Um… he didn’t exactly say…” Minho said slowly and Jinki glanced over his shoulder with a raised brow. Minho looked behind him and saw the girl he had been in the middle of having fun with stand at the bedroom door with a frown. She had Minho’s white sheet wrapped around her body. “Oh uh-“

“Don’t explain yourself to me,” Jinki said with a weird smile. “Is there any chance you could let me know when he comes back?”

Minho scratched at the back of his head and shifted on his feet awkwardly. “I… don’t know if he wants you to know…”

“Ah,” Jinki said, trying to fight back the tears. He had thrown away his entire family for Jonghyun and for what? To lose him. This was probably what he deserved. “Well… I guess… When he comes back just-“ Jinki cut himself off and looked around the apartment. The photo of him and Jonghyun from their high school graduation no longer sat on the mantel piece. “Actually, don’t tell him I came here.”

“Why are you here, anyway?” Minho asked, holding his arms across his chest. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to get married?”

Jinki scuffed his shoe on the tiled floor with a laugh. “I should be… If I was married. I called the wedding off.”

Minho immediately jumped up. “You- You what!? Jonghyun’s in Jeju _because_ you’re getting married!” He hopped around in surprise. “So you won’t marry her in the end?!”

“No,” Jinki laughed. “I decided there was something more important… Anyway, sorry to have disturbed you, enjoy your… evening.” He waved goodbye to Minho and moved towards the stairwell. Minho closed the apartment door and Jinki stared at it, eyes tracing over the golden number on the door for a few moments later before he descended the staircase.

It took another week before Jinki gathered the courage to venture back to Jonghyun’s apartment. He figured that even if he returned home at this point and Minho had told him that Jinki had stopped by whilst he was away, Jonghyun still wouldn’t do anything about it.

The air was thick and muggy and the sky was a dimmed grey and Jinki was perhaps hopeful that the rain would finally come, but the temperature was still higher than normal and even in his jacket, he was feeling the heat run through him.

He walked around the corner towards the apartment block and his eyes landed on a very garish orange taxi idling outside Jonghyun’s complex. A man was pulling out a big suitcase along with a stuffed backpack the side of his torso. When the man stood up, Jinki recognised his hair.

“Jonghyun,” he said softly and he walked a little faster towards him. Jonghyun paid the taxi driver and began to haul his stuff off the street. He turned on his heel and stopped short when he noticed Jinki staring at him.

“Jinki! What… What are you doing here?”

“I came here to see find you,” Jinki replied, moving to help Jonghyun with the suitcase. “Let me help you, we have a lot to talk about.”

Jonghyun didn’t argue and they two walked up to Jonghyun’s apartment in silence, only the sound of commanding footsteps echoing off concrete walls filled the air. Jonghyun opened the door and shoved his stuff inside and then closed the door again.

“The last time I came here, I think your flatmate was entertaining someone,” Jinki joked and Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

“He’s always entertaining someone,” Jonghyun commented and Jinki laughed. Jonghyun stuffed his hands into the pocket of his denim jacket and the two made their way to a park near the apartment complex.

Kids in school uniforms ran around the small play area built a few years ago, screaming their heads off and shrieking in delight. Jonghyun and Jinki’s shoes crunched against the gravel as browning leaves fluttered from trees above them. Autumn was finally coming home.

“You’ve dyed your hair,” Jonghyun said first, kicking away a big stone.

“Ah, yeah…” Jinki instinctively reached out and brushed a hand through his hair. It felt softer than it had before.

“So,” Jonghyun said again. His voice sounded thick and laced with something that sounded like regret. “How’d the wedding go?”

“The wedding? It never happened,” Jinki confessed. Jonghyun stopped walking, and the sound of gravel began to quieten as Jinki stopped too. “I didn’t marry her in the end.”

“Why?” Jonghyun asked, his face unreadable. A slight breeze rippled through the park and above them, clouds as grey as charcoal rumbled forward with the promise of some relief.

“Because, I decided it was wrong for me to marry her when I loved someone else,” Jinki explained, he looked off into the distance. He heard the gravel crumble again and he felt Jonghyun rest his head against Jinki’s chest. “Jonghyun, I’m sorry for not telling you all these years. I’m sorry that my fear of having to meet my family’s expectations took hold of me so tightly I forgot how much you meant to me. The day you confessed to me, I was more afraid than I had ever been. Not because I was afraid of losing you as a friend, but because I was afraid I was losing myself.”

Jonghyun shook against Jinki’s chest, shivering under his jacket.

“I bet you think I forgot about that night you kissed me under the moon. I didn’t. I remember it all the time, how your lips felt pressed against mine. How my heart could have burst when you told me that was your first kiss too.”

The sky above them let out an almighty roar and sheets of ice-cold rain cascaded down upon them. Kids began to shriek again, running about to seek shelter from the rain.

Jonghyun and Jinki stayed stood in the middle of the park as their hair began to soak and their clothes grew darker and darker with every falling drop.

“I’m yours,” Jinki said through the rain. Jonghyun looked up, water dripping down his pretty face, catching his eyelashes like ornaments. His lower lips quivered, his eyes were sore, like he had been crying. “I’m yours from this moment on until the day you don’t want me anymore.”

“That’ll never happen,” Jonghyun smiled.

A flash of brilliant white light cracked over the sky followed by the almighty shout of thunder. Jinki grabbed Jonghyun’s hand and they ran across the grass towards one of the playhouses next to the playground. Jinki opened the door and ushered Jonghyun inside where they would remain dry until the thunderstorm left.

Jinki ducked in after him and closed the door.

The space was cramped and the two were left crouching under the roof, their warm breaths fogging up the cheap plastic windows. They stared at each other for a long time.

“I’m sorry,” Jinki said, water dripping from his hair, his clothes, his nose. Jonghyun reached across and brushed away a stray droplet that ran along his cheek. His hand stayed there, cool and welcoming against his skin. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry that my fragility prevented us from having a longer time together.”

Jonghyun shook his head, freeing little flecks of rain against the inner walls of the house. The rain thundered against the roof like a thousand little feet stomping against the wood in tantrum.

“It’s fine,” Jonghyun whispered, his wide eyes shining. “It’s fine because I have you now.”

“You have me forever,” Jinki promised, leaning forward. Jonghyun’s hand slipped from his cheek to twist itself into his long, tailored coat. Jinki’s lips landed softly against Jonghyun’s and his hands flinched, unsure of where to rest until he decided that cupping Jonghyun’s face like Jonghyun had him the night he confessed was the best way to go. Jonghyun’s skin was soft and warm beneath his touch.

They moulded together like pieces of broken china, fixed together with super glue. Jonghyun’s lips quivered against Jinki’s as his hands tightened their twisting grip on his coat. He let out a raw keening sound that had Jinki press a little deeper into it. He wanted to do this every day. Run his hands through Jonghyun’s soft brunet hair and feel him sigh against his mouth with each kiss.

“I love you,” Jinki whispered against Jonghyun’s mouth when they parted for a moment. Jonghyun’s eyelids fluttered open for a second, his eyes unfocused. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Jonghyun said back and they kissed once more in that playhouse as the summer’s drought became a memory to the great thunderstorm of October.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breath* and it is complete. Thank you to everyone who was read, left a comment, kudos and made a bookmark. I really appreciate all the support you've given me over this fic and I hope the conclusion was to your satisfaction.
> 
> If you want to read more of my Jongyu, I am working on a Minkey/Jongyu fic called The Duty of Love and it's currently on chapter 3 with an update coming this sunday!
> 
> Otherwise, if you wanna follow me on twitter you can @jjong_bluemoon. Don't be afraid to DM me :D
> 
> Thank you again and I shall see you all next time <3


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